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He’s giving me too much credit. In truth, that’s an apt description ofhim.
He comes off as harsh and even frightening to people who don’t know him. But he actually has the biggest heart of anyone I’ve ever known.
9
KATE
There’s an email in my inbox with “Interview” in the subject line. I’m on the cusp of opening it when Caleb texts, and the sight of his name is enough to make me forget every goal I’ve ever had that wasn’t related to him.
Caleb
The separation agreement is ready for your review. Where should I drop it off?
My heart squeezes tight. It’s not what I was hoping he’d say, obviously. And while I’d like to drag my heels for weeks, or even months, that would make me Bad Kate, the troublemaker, and it’s necessary that Caleb sees I’m no longer her. When this stupid thing with Lucie starts to wither, I need to be a viable replacement, and Bad Kate is not. She’s pulled too much shit in the past. Unfortunately, that leaves no option but to sign the fucking agreement.
I tell him I’ll come to the office, but regret it the moment I remember Lucie works at TSG too.
I shower, dry my hair, and apply careful makeup, followed by fifteen minutes of choosing an outfit, which is sort of ridiculous given how little I have to choose from. Caleb liked me in a suit, but my work clothes are in storage. I do my best with what I have, then get in the car.
TSG is on the other side of Elliott Springs, down toward Santa Cruz. I slide into a parking space and rub my palms over my skirt as I exit. This feels like an audition, and in a way it is. I’m auditioning for my last part, reminding Caleb that I was once someone he wanted, that I can be presentable when I need to be presentable and filthy when I need to be filthy. It isn’t entirely authentic, but that doesn’t bother me. Being yourself is a seriously overrated concept. At least half the people I know shouldstriveto be someone else.
I enter the lobby and smile politely at the receptionist when she asks for my name.Mrs. Lowell, whispers that voice in my head, although I never actually took Caleb’s last name. “Just tell him it’s Kate.”
A few minutes later, she leads me back to his office and tells me he’ll be in momentarily.
I glance at his desk. We had sex there once. Will he think of that when he comes in? Will he think of my legs wrapped around his neck with my heels still on, both of us trying to be quiet so no one would hear?
Or perhaps he’ll be looking at the framed photos that sit there instead—are they of Lucie? The twins? I walk to the large window at the end of the room so I won’t be tempted to check.
“Kate,” Caleb says, entering quickly and shutting the door behind him—alone, thank God. “I appreciate you coming in.”
I’ve missed his face, but it’s his eyes that make me want to weep with homesickness. I’m stunned anew at how thoroughly I managed to ruin the best thing that ever happened to me.
He’s out of his jacket, wearing a dress shirt with the sleeves rolled up—the tie slightly askew. I itch to reach out and fix it but hold back.
He leans over his desk and grabs a file as I cross the room to him. He’s barely even looked my way.
“The paperwork’s all here,” he says, handing it to me, perching on the edge of his desk. “I divided everything down the middle. The bank accounts, the investment portfolio—all of it. You’ll probably want a lawyer to look it over.”
When I disappeared, I cleaned out our checking account. What I did to him was terrible, yet here he is being generous, being fair. Even when I was gone, he tried to help me with that stipend I received. It was supposed to be anonymous but had his fingerprints all over it.
There was always something dirty and restless inside me while he was busy doing the right thing. It’s why I’ve never felt like I was good enough for him.
I stare at the carpet, unable to face him. “I don’t want anything,” I whisper.I just want you back.
“I’m trying to do the right thing here,” he says gently,politely. As if I’m an employee to whom he’s handing a generous severance package after letting her go. “I want you to have what you need going forward.”
Going forward. My stomach drops. Each word out of his mouth says this is a foregone conclusion, and itcan’tbe a foregone conclusion because everything I want in the entire world hinges on him taking me back.
My eyes sting. “You’ve already done too much for me just this past year alone. And I don’t deserve any of it after what I did.”
“Kate,” he croons, placing a hand on my shoulder before he stiffly pulls me toward him. I go willingly, pressing my face to his shirt. My tears are real, but I relish the fact that my mascara will run and his insecure little girlfriend will see it.
“It’s okay,” Caleb soothes, giving my back a small pat. “We endured something no one should have to go through. You, in particular. It’s okay.”
His chest, beneath my head, is firm, perfectly formed, his heartbeat regular, unaffected by me. I could move my mouth to his neck so easily, to the spot just below his ear, and change that. I know the precise words that would make him hard in two seconds flat. But if it failed, he’d go out of his way to avoid me afterward.
I need to wait until things start to fall apart with Lucie, until he’s not sure he’s got that much to lose.That’swhen I will bring out every trick I know...and I know a whole lot of tricks.
