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I push myself upright. “Bullshit. You think I can’t tell when you’re bothered by something?”
He stares up at the ceiling. “This is basically the one thing Caleb asked me not to do.”
There’s a tingle along my spine. I sit up straighter, pulling the sheet to my chest. If Caleb doesn’t want me with someone else, it means some part of him still cares. And still wants me for himself. “Caleb asked you not to sleep with me?”
His eyes darken. “Oh, I get it. You think he asked because it’s not over for him. You just fucked his best friend. Don’t you thinkthatmade it over?”
Dread hits me like a fist.No. Fuck. No. I can’t have ruined everything, can I? Fuck.
I climb from the other side of the bed, reaching for my panties. “I’m not going to feel guilty about this,” I snap. “Caleb’s sure as hell not respecting our marital vows anymore, so why should I?”
His nostrils flare. “And is that what this was? You spreading your legs because it’s the best way you had to get back at him?”
“Fuck you, Beck!” I snatch my shirt off the floor. “Don’t try to make this my fault. You were there too.”
His arms fold across his chest. “I’m not making this anyone’s fault, Kate. I’m just pointing out that it wasn’t the behavior of a woman desperate to win back her husband.”
My stomach sinks. Itisdifferent than just sleeping with a random guy. Even if Caleb ends things with Lucie, the fact that I’ve now slept with his best friend might be one step too far for him.
I’ve lived and breathed this dream about Caleb and the family we will have for the better part of a year, and I threw it off to the side as if it meant nothing at all.
I turn on my heel and walk from Beck’s room into my own, slamming the door hard behind me before I climb into bed with my face pressed to my hands.
Fuck, fuck, fuck. What am I doing staying with Beck? Working with him? Fantasizing about him and losing my focus?
And this could also destroy Beck’s oldest friendship. It will mess things up with his entire friend group if it comes out. Did I even consider that before I went into his room? Of course I didn’t. But it’s typical of me to take what I want without considering who I might hurt in the process.
There’s motion across the hall. I’m not surprised when he knocks on my door, then opens it.
I hate what happened, that I fucked everything up, yet my core clenches at the sight of him all over again. I’ve salivated over him foryears, and he’s only more appealing now that I know what it’s actually like to be beneath him, to have him inside me.
God, it’s going to be a struggle not to think aboutthat.
“I’m sorry,” he says.
I stare at my blanket. “I am too.”
He crosses the room. I scoot my knees to my chest and he sits in the space I’ve made for him.
“Did we just fuck everything up?” I whisper, not quite able to meet his eye.
He runs a hand through his hair, hesitating. “I hope not.”
He took too long to answer. I’m not sure he means it. “Can we just forget it happened and move on?”
He rises. “It won’t happen again, and I’ve managed to lie to Caleb about enough shit that I guess I can add this to the list. But no. I’m not going to forget. And neither are you.”
When he leaves, I roll onto my side and cover my face with my hands. Was it disloyal to Caleb that I did it? And if I want my husband back so badly, why can’t I stop replaying every single second I just spent with his closest friend?
24
BECK
I’d really like to avoid her entirely the next morning. I just swore it was behind us, but I’ve already jerked off twice thinking about it. Except she’s doing her best to act like things are normal—from the kitchen there’s the sizzle of bacon, the crack of an egg breaking open against a bowl—so the least I can do is sit down and pretend alongside her.
I emerge from my room. She’s wearing jeans and a hoodie instead of that fucking T-shirt that reveals a lot most of the time and nearlyeverythingat the best of times, as if I can’t be trusted.
She’s right. I can’t.
