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I pull up a chair and sit backward on it to face her, scrubbing a hand over my brow.Man up, Beck. Apologize.
“I’m sorry,” I begin. “What happened at the bar...shouldn’t have.”
Her jaw clenches and her gaze returns to the TV. “I’m starting to find your guilt tiresome. If you feel so strongly that you shouldn’t fuck your best friend’s wife, then stop doing it. But I don’t need your guilt. I’ve got enough problems of my own.”
I still. She’s completely misunderstood me. Maybe she’s been misunderstanding me all along.
“I’m not guilty because of Caleb,” I tell her, reaching out to let my hand rest on her knee. “The reason I shouldn’t have done it is because I was mad, and because I went about it all wrong.”
Her gaze slides back to me, guarded and uncertain. “So, how exactly should you have gone about it?”
“I’m still figuring that part out.” I climb to my feet. “Let’s go for a ride.”
Her head jerks up. “On your bike?”
“No, on my magic carpet. Yes, of course on my bike.”
She gives me the finger but still starts putting on her shoes. Maybe this is what we both need: enough cold air and speed and danger to engage our brains, because nothing seems clear anymore.
We head outside, and once her arms are tight around me, I take off fast, the gravel spinning beneath the tires. Ineedfast. So does she. I can almost feel her excitement vibrating through my back.
I accelerate and she leans closer, her fingers pressing to my rib cage.
Yes, Kate, fucking cling. Just like that.
I bank right and she grips me tighter still.
How does she not understand that she needs this? That she’s someone who wants to be thrilled and scared and challenged, and that these are things Caleb not only wouldn’t provide, but would go out of his way to make sure she didn’t get? He told me before I ever met her that he didn’t want me to take her anywhere on my bike.“She’ll like it too much,”he warned.
He thought she was a fire that might burn out of control. He thought he was protecting her when all he was really doing was depriving her of air.
Maybe I’ve been depriving us both of air too, with my insistence on not giving in to this thing between us. By the time I’ve pulled in front of the house, I’ve decided it’s time to just let the fire burn.
I’ll deal with the damage in the morning.
We climb off the bike. She removes her helmet and her eyes are gleaming, just like I knew they would.
I toss my helmet to the ground and march toward her.
“What are you doing?” she asks as I pull her against me.
My hands cradle her face, slide back into her hair. “First, I’m going to kiss you.”
“And then what?” she asks, breathless.
I pull her lip between my teeth and release it. “And then I’m going to take my time doing all the things I should have done earlier.”
Her hands slide inside my T-shirt. “I’ve got no complaints about earlier.”
“Then I guarantee you’ll have no complaints about this time either.” If my mouth wasn’t already back on hers, I’d probably be smiling right now.
27
KATE
It’s strange how very normal things are.
I slept in my own bed last night, but when I enter the kitchen in the morning, it’s his T-shirt I’m wearing.
