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“So, you don’t think it’s a stupid idea?”
“I think you should do anything you want to do, and don’t let anyone tell you differently. Even me.”
This is the craziest day of my life. I’ve always been at odds with my mom. If I said the sky was blue, she’d correct me and say it was gray. If I said the sun was shining, she’d point out the clouds. But in this moment, I feel like we’re forging a new path together. She heard what I had to say, and I really think she listened. From now on, I’m going to do the same.
“I love you, Mom,” I tell her.
“I love you too, Missy. My heart hurts that you’ve ever thought differently.”
“It’s not that I didn’t think you loved me, it’s just that you have a ‘my way or the highway’ air about you. Like you know everything, and I know nothing.”
“I just never wanted you to make the same mistakes I did. I want you to have everything in this world.”
“I know, Mom. But you have to let me journey down my own path. I need your support, not your control.”
She exhales loudly. “So much of my life has been out of my control that I’ve gone overboard trying to take charge of anything I can.”
“I get that. I really do. But from now on, I think you need to worry about you and let me worry about me. We can support each other, but we can’t live each other’s lives.”
She stands up and gives me a long hug before saying, “I do love you. And I promise, I’m going to try to wrap my head around the idea of loving myself.” Then she grabs her purse and walks out the door.
The next several days come and go like all the others. The only difference is that I don’t see or talk to Jamie, and I really miss him. But how can I tell my mother to demand to be treated with respect and not do the same for myself? For this reason, I have not picked up the phone to call him, or even peeked out the window to catch a glimpse of him when he drops Sammy off for work.
Instead, I’ve tried to focus my energy into helping Sammy wrap her head around her upcoming entry into Elk Lake Junior High School. On Friday she even brought her wardrobe into the shop, and we spent hours planning every outfit.
I wouldn’t even have known if Jamie still wanted me to go to Chicago, had Sammy not repeatedly said how happy she is that I’m going. She doesn’t seem to notice anything different between me and her dad.
After a busy Saturday, I tell her, “I’ll see you bright and early in the morning, okay?”
“Yeah, okay.”
“Don’t worry about tomorrow, Sammy. It’s going to be a good day.”
“If you say so.”
I wish there was something I could do to take away her anxiety and fear. But I know from my own experience with my mother that we can’t live someone else’s path for them. All we can do is offer love and support while they make their way through their own struggles.
“Beth is going to think you’re great,” I tell her.
She doesn’t look convinced, but she doesn’t have an opportunity to say as much because Jamie bursts through the door like his pants are on fire. “We need to go to Chicago tonight,” he says.
“What? Why?” This from both me and Sammy.
“I just got a call from Beth’s husband. Beth’s been in an accident and she’s in the hospital.” Sammy resembles a deer in the headlights, completely immobile from fear.
“Is it bad?” I want to know.
“It’s not good,” Jamie says. “She’s been taken into surgery.”
I don’t stop to think, I merely push everyone out the door and lock up behind us. When we’re on the street, I ask, “Do I have time to pack some things?” Jamie looks so terrified and unsure, that I quickly add, “Let’s go. I’ll drive.” I’ll buy whatever I might need in Chicago. It’s a good thing it was close to the end of the day, and we’re closed tomorrow. Now I don’t have to tell my mom where I’m going.
I don’t have a new definition for my relationship with Jamie, but I do know that I care for him, and I would do anything in my power to help him. I feel the same way about Sammy.
Jamie hands me the keys to his SUV. His voice is so low, I barely hear him say, “Thank you.”
In an act of pure impulsivity, I wrap my arms around him and pull him into a hug. Then I reach out for Sammy to join us. “You guys can do this. You’ve come so far to get to this point. I just know everything is going to be okay.” Right now, all Jamie needs is someone in his corner, and I can certainly be that for him.
And even though I don’t know the outcome for Beth, I have to believe that Jamie and Sammy are going to weather this storm. The alternative would simply be too ungodly.
