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“No.” I’m practically vibrating in anticipation of what comes next.
“But you’ll tell me if you think we should stop?”
“Grrablleummmm …” That translates into great, absolutely, yum, which I’m aware makes no sense.
Jamie leans down so that his mouth is a bare whisper from my own. My stomach rolls over like I just dropped from The Tower of Terror ride at the carnival. “I’m glad we’ve become such good friends,” he practically growls.
“Absosuryess …”Absolutely, sure, yes.
“I’m going to kiss you good night now …”
My knees weaken. “Yepleshrum …”Yes, please, sure, yum.
Once Jamie’s mouth touches mine, my soul shoots straight out of my body—destination: stratosphere. If our contact keeps getting better and better like this, I know what I should do.
I should break things off now before he devastates me.
The problem is, I don’t have a great track record of listening to good advice.
CHAPTERTHIRTY-TWO
JAMIE
It’s going to be pure torture when Melissa tells me she’s found somebody she wants to date exclusively. Yet even though I know the time is coming, I can’t seem to stop myself from touching her. She’s so sweet and lovely and feisty. She’s everything I’ve ever wanted in a partner. The problem is, she already knows my daughter, and Sammy likes her. That makes dating her an impossibility because it’s not just my heart she could break.
My mind churns all the way home.What if Melissa and I dated and Sammy knew? What if things didn’t work out and Sammy got her heart broken? What if things worked out and Melissa and I could be something more?
But the question that really surprises me is,What if I’m not fully over Beth?I once loved her more than anyone or anything. What if I see her and am thrown back into those old feelings? I know she broke Sammy’s and my heart. I know she moved on. She’s married, for heaven’s sake. But what if I can’t separate myself from the old feelings we once shared?
Once I get home and crawl into bed, I toss and turn the whole night while my subconscious struggles to make heads or tails out of my current situation. In one dream I’m at Beth’s wedding and the minister asks if anyone objects. “I do!” I shout. “I object! This woman is already married and has a child.”
Beth turns around and looks at me in total confusion. “Who are you? Why are you ruining my wedding?”
I proceed up the aisle like I’m floating, and when I get to her side, I say, “I’m Jamie. I’m your husband.”
“I’ve never been married before.” She looks at me like she feels sorry for me.
Why is she pretending she doesn’t know me? “You gave birth to our daughter, Samantha …”
That’s when Beth rubs her stomach and I notice she’s very pregnant. “I’m still pregnant with Samantha,” she tells me. “And she’s not yours. How could she be when I don’t even know you?”
My heart feels like it’s taken a direct hit from an atomic missile.Sammy isn’t mine? I’m never going to hold her, love her, or raise her?It’s the single most painful thought I’ve ever had.
I take an aggressive step toward Beth and grab ahold of her arms. “Samantha ismydaughter andI’mgoing to raise her.”
That’s when her groom intervenes. He forcibly removes my hands from Beth, while telling me, “Don’t worry, Jamie. I’ve got this.”
Looking at him is like looking at a mirror image of myself, except this guy is wearing a tuxedo. “You’re me,” I accuse like I just caught him taking my wallet.
He smiles slowly. “I’m the guy who made Beth get marriedbeforethe baby was born.”
“It won’t work out,” I warn him. “She doesn’t want Sammy and she doesn’t want you.”
“That’s not written in stone,” he tells me. “You should have gotten married before Sammy came. Beth might have stayed. You might have had a great life together.”
My body breaks out into a cold sweat as my brain tries to decide if the message in this nightmare bears any truth. Should I have made Beth get married as soon as she found out she was pregnant? Would our vows to love each other in good times and bad have been enough to keep her with her family?
In the next dream I’m chasing Beth all over the world in go-karts. It starts the day she left us in Chicago and moves onto the streets of London.There’s a reason you don’t see go-karts cruising Hyde Park.From London, we move to the Autobahn in Germany. Again, a poor choice for such a vehicle. Yet no matter where we are, Beth somehow keeps a wide distance between us. But when our carts hit the streets of Elk Lake, hers finally runs out of gas so I can confront her.
