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“Your turn, Dad,” Sammy says, “The Rock, Chris …” She starts to laugh at her joke. “I’m kidding. Your choices are Katie Perry, Kim Kardashian, and …” She pauses for a beat before adding, “Melissa Corner.”
Jamie’s face flushes a deep red before answering, “As I’m never getting married, I don’t think I should get a turn.”
“Daaaaaad,” Sammy moans, “It’s just a game. Don’t be a party pooper!”
I’m curious to hear how he’s going to answer this, so I turn my laser-like gaze on him. He hems and haws before saying, “Being that Katie Perry kissed a girl and liked it, I might not be her type, but I’d kissher.” And here I thought he’d pick me, especially after all the practice we’ve had lately.
“Who would you marry?!” Sammy asks excitedly.
“Isn’t Kim Kardashian already married?” he asks.
Ouch.I’m about to say as much when Sammy answers, “Nope. Divorced for the third time. She’s free as a bird.”
“In that case …”If he says he’d marry Kim Kardashian over me, I’m going to get up and walk out of this diner.He looks right at me and says, “I’d marry Melissa.”
“And throw Kim into the lake!” Sammy claps her hands excitedly. “What about you, Melissa?”
“No way,” I tell her. “It’syourturn. Leonardo DiCaprio from theTitanicdays, Finn Wolfhard, and Griffin Gluck.”
She doesn’t hesitate. “I’d kiss Griffin, marry Leo, and toss Finn.”
The waitress comes over and interrupts our game. We all order burgers and milkshakes which has Sammy declaring, “It’s like we’re all on our period!”
I laughingly ask Jamie, “Are you manstrating?”
His face turns red. “Can we please talk about something else?”
“Let’s talk about dating,” Sammy suggests. She asks me, “How old were you when you got to date?”
“I was allowed to date on my own when I turned sixteen.”
“You can date when you turn forty,” Jamie declares firmly.
“Forty? Dad, be serious. When can I date for real?”
“Twenty.”
“Daaaaaaad …” Sammy is not pleased.
“Sixteen?” he tries.
“This isn’t the Stone Age.” She quickly glances at me and says, “Not that I’m calling you a dinosaur.”
“Thank you very much,” I say, still feeling a bit like a cavewoman.
“I don’t think you should go out on dates on your own until you’re in high school,” he says.
“That’s two whole years away!”
“You can go out in groups before then,” he tells her.
This seems to take some of the sting away because Sammy says, “Fine. But I still don’t think it’s fair.”
“Sorry about that,” Jamie replies. “But I’m the dad and it’s my duty to make the rules that I think will help you turn into the best version of you.”
Sammy turns to me. “When would you let me date if I was your kid?”
As much as I want to be her cool older friend, I find that I can’t side with her on this topic. “Forty,” I tell her.
