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Meanwhile, Tim is standing next to Trina as stiff as a toy soldier awaiting his execution.
Eva walks toward him and when she arrives, croons, “Tim, it’s so good to see you again. How have you been?”
His expression morphs from shock to pure loathing. It’s clear he’s trying to decide his best course of action because he doesn’t respond for several seconds. When he finally breaks his silence, all he says is, “Eva.”
“Daaaarling …” She sounds like she’s a long-lost Gabor sister in those old-time movies. “I was crushed when I heard what a hard time you’re still having with our breakup.” I want to punch this woman right in the face.
Tim cocks his head to the side before replying, “I’m not sure what you’re talking about, Eva.”
Striving for a look of innocence and failing, she says, “Trina told me you’ve been unable to move on because you’re still in love with me.”
“I never said love, Eva.” Oh goody, Trina’s decided to enter the fray. “I said that Tim wasn’t emotionally free of you.”Potatoes, potahtoes, am I right?
“I know it was hard on Tim when I left.” Eva bats her eyes like she’s holding back tears. “But I had no choice. He and I got married too soon and when Holden showed up, I knew Ihadto go to him.” Her lashes flutter like a llama with conjunctivitis.
“Do you have anything to say to that, Tim?” Trina wants to know.
Tim glares at his ex. “You only knew Holden for a week before you left me. We’d been together for four years.”
Eva looks at Tim with pity before dropping a bomb. “Tim, I knew Holden before I’d ever met you.”
The look of horror on his face says it all. He’s about to lose it—spectacularly.
I feel compelled to do something to save him from this humiliation, but I don’t know what. Without thinking, I step forward and declare, “Which makesyouthe villain, not Tim!” I sound likeI’m playing a live-action game of Clue.It was the butler in the pantry with a butter knife!
Eva turns her head and sneers at me condescendingly. “Who are you?”
“I’m Paige Holland.” When that doesn’t seem like a self-explanatory enough declaration, I add, “I’m an old friend of Tim’s.”
“Then why haven’t I ever heard of you?” she wants to know.
“Why didn’t Tim know about Holden?” I retaliate.
“Are you saying you and Tim were having an affair while he was married to me?” That’s not what I was saying, but it does make me wonder if Eva had been cheating on Tim throughout their marriage.
Before I can accuse her of that, Tim steps forward and takes my hand. “Paige, please stop trying to help.”
Part of me knows I should listen to him, but I don’t. Instead, I spin around and yell—yell— “No, Tim! This bimbo is not going to come in here and act like the wounded party. She’s the one who cheated, she’s the homewrecker …” Talk about givingMidwestern Matchmakertheir money’s worth, I’m full-on guaranteeing they’ll be picked up for another ten seasons if they can keep delivering the level of drama I’m offering.
“Timothy …” Eva says, “I want to know if you were cheating on me?”
“So would I,” Trina feels the need to add.
Tim exhales loudly. “Paige and I went to school together. That’s all. We didn’t become friends until I moved home.”
While true, that kind of hurts. I just told the world we were old friends and he relegated me to mere acquaintance status. But then he squeezes my hand and adds, “But we’re very good friends now.” Aaaaand I melt.
“I think you’re lying,” Eva tells him.
“I can see why a liar might tend to believe the worst in people,” he retorts.
Eva spins toward Trina. “You said he was a hot mess. You said the only reason he came on this show was to get even with me!”
Before I know what I’m doing, I rush at Eva with the intention of ripping every last hair out of her head. Tim pulls me back in the nick of time, and reminds me, “This is going to be televised, Paige.”
“Not if I can help it!” I tell him. And this is where I totally lose my mind. I turn to the camera and lift the hem of my dress before proceeding to whip the whole thing over my head.
Tim sounds panicky as he inquires, “What are you doing?”
