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My head shook, hoping he’d continue.
“You worry about work. About what I’ll do when we’re there together. And you should. There won’t be a single desk in that building that won’t be christened with our come by the time we’re finally said and done at Slade Industries. Not a single one. It’s wrong, but I want it.”
No words came as I stared at him in shock.
“That’s just the overall picture though. What you’re neglecting to see is how you’ll be while you’re being forced to obey. There won’t be enough tears left once I get done stripping you down and gagging you with my cock. When I feel you’ve earned some hardcore dick…well, I’ll give it to you the way I like the best, brutally, and maybe even in your ass. You’ll be lucky to walk. And no, I’m not saying that because I think it sounds hot. Baby, you really might not be able to take actual steps. You have yet to see my true colors. I long to rough you up, to bite and draw blood, bruise…” he trailed off. “Plus, more. We’re not there yet and we may never be. You may think you can handle it, but those are just words. To say them is one thing. To experience them is quite another.”
As I let his confession sink in, I stayed quiet, resting my head on his stomach while he played with my hair. Was this something he needed all the time? Or just on occasion? I was pretty sure I could handle it. He’d turned me on before when he’d taken me. I’d tried my best to fight off my attraction to him, yet what he’d done had made it impossible. And I was confident he wouldn’t seriously hurt me. I trusted him.
“I think I can do it.” I turned, looking up at him. The suspicion was there. He wasn’t so sure. I swallowed hard, willing the words that would help me try to convince him, to come. “I know I’m not necessarily okay. I won’t deny that the nightmares scare me. But you don’t. I don’t feel anything we do will trigger my dreams to become worse.”
A finger pressed against my lips, silencing me.
“I’m not risking it. You can try to convince me all you want, but as your Master and the man who loves you, I’m refusing to go ahead with this until I know you’re better. I’ll still train you, but I will not put your state of mind at risk. I won’t.”
There was no convincing him. I knew that in my soul. I’d have to not push and focus on getting better so he’d see I was ready. Zain would know how far to go and how hard to push the boundaries. My guess was that it wouldn’t be much further than he already had.
“There’s something else we need to talk about. It has to do with living arrangements.”
I felt myself perk up, excitement nearly leaving my heart breaking through my chest. Living arrangements…I only wished he’d asked me to move in with him. I knew Slade wouldn’t approve and Zain wasn’t going to rush, but the hope of it happening was still there.
“Living arrangements?” I tried to keep my voice calm, but my eagerness slipped in.
Zain paused and his eyebrows furrowed. Any happiness over the situation faded away. This wasn’t good, I could feel it.
“What?” I sat up, fisting the blanket.
“I’m going to need to start looking for a place when we get back. I can’t stay in my old one. It might put me further away from you. Not too far, but not across the street.”
Anxiety spiked and I tried to rein it in. I’d accepted him not being there because I figured he’d be close. But if he wasn’t…Stop this, Lilian. You’re a damn grown woman. Independent, remember? You can do this. So, why didn’t I feel like I could?
“How far?” My voice rose in pitch and I lowered my head, trying to slow the shakiness taking over.
“A few blocks. Maybe a mile. Nothing too far. Hey,” he pushed his finger under my chin, making me meet his stare. “You have nothing to worry about. I can run a mile in five minutes if I have to. Probably faster, concerning you. All it will take is a call and I’m there. Now, instead of looking at the negative, focus on the positive. I’m going to need someone to help me choose a place they wouldn’t mind maybe staying at occasionally. And, I’ll need help fixing it up. You know, the whole woman’s touch and all.”
I couldn’t stop the smile from resurfacing. “You’ll let me decorate your place?”
“I’ll even let you pick the bed sheets. I can handle flowers, let’s just avoid the bright neon colors.”
“No hot pink?” I pouted my lip, playfully, and he laughed, cupping the back of my neck and drawing me in close.
“Only if you beg. Then I might reconsider.”
His lips pressed against mine. The tug against my bottom one sent a moan slipping though. “Oh, I’ll beg,” I breathed out. “I’ll beg all night long.”
“Better start now. I don’t really care for hot pink. It’s going to take a lot of convincing.”
I knew we were both playing. Truthfully, I didn’t care for a hot pink comforter set either, but it would be funny to watch him come home to find his bedroom done in nothing short of a teenage girl who’d went neon-crazy with his least favorite color. It would give us something to laugh about. Something we could look back on and tease each other over.
“Oh, please, Master. Let me have it. I’ll do anything.”
“Anything?” His tone deepened and the vision of sheets and covers disappeared. I knew nothing but going into slave mode. In the place that made me happy. Submitting was something I wanted. No, needed to do for him. It was the only state of mind where I felt the happiest. Where I felt at home.
“Yes, Master.”
“Good. You can prove it here shortly.”
Zain’s expression grew serious while both of his hands came up and held each side of my face. No words. Just staring into the depths of my eyes. It was almost impossible to meet his gaze for more than a few seconds. My pulse was racing, my breathing turned shallow. Sweat collected on my skin and the intimidation, the domination, was so thick, it had me desperate to lower out of respect. I knew my place and there was nothing more I wanted than to get there to please him. It had always been like that. Now, it was so naturally coming back and I didn’t want to ever let it go.
