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“I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to yell at you. I just thought…”
“No, it’s fine. Master Charles and I get along just fine. Great, even. It was touch and go at first, but he’s not too hard to get along with if you make an effort. Or maybe he’s changed. I don’t know, but he’s dying, Aimon. He’s not well. He’s trying an experimental drug now, but we don’t know how good it’ll work. He knows he might not have long. He’s trying to be cordial.”
The car got quiet as we turned and headed down the residential streets. The purr of the engine filled the interior and Fay stared out of the window, holding to her belly as the time passed. Here and there she appeared happy as she took in the area, but her lids were growing heavy with each blink. She could barely keep them open. It had me reaching forward to grab her hand. To make any sort of contact I could.
“You weren’t kidding about those naps. You’re exhausted and I upset you. I’m truly sorry.”
“It’s fine.”
“No, it’s not. I’ve been waiting so long to see you. I shouldn’t be getting upset over something you have no control over.”
Fay turned my hand, flattening it against her stomach. I tried to focus on the road, but all I wanted to do was imprint the memory into my mind forever: the hard bump against my hand. The way her dress slid under my touch. I did this…I made this happen. This baby. Mine. The possessiveness hit like the snap of a rubber band against my heart. The jolt was like nothing I’d ever felt before. It went beyond logical, wrapping itself around Fay and my child. The word was fact, and it was life-changing in my moment. To know she was pregnant was one thing. To see, to feel…it altered a part of me so deep, I knew my life would never be the same.
“I wondered how you were. I call all the time. I was even curious if you were showing. I never expected you to come. Not in my wildest dreams.”
“You deserve to have a place with us if you want it, Aimon. If you’d rather not, I completely understand that too. I wouldn’t even hold it against you. You’ve got a life here. A great one, it seems, and you look happy.”
We pulled in, parking in front of her parents’ home. My hand immediately returned to her stomach. For just a few seconds, I did what I wanted and moved in closer. I stared and felt my way around her belly. It was almost surreal that this was happening. That with the time that had passed, my child had already grown so big. I had missed so much.
“I wouldn’t say I’m happy, Fay. I’d say, surviving. It can be nice at times. It can also be downright insufferable.” My hand lifted as I leaned back in my seat. “You wanted to come here. Let’s talk inside while I change.”
“I’d like that very much.”
I got out, heading around to open her door and help her stand. The car was low. Not at all comfortable for a pregnant woman to be riding in. Especially one who was beginning to show. It had my mind spinning as I led her to the steps.
Father.
Baby.
Fay.
It repeated, along with the sight of what I’d created. All my life, I’d been crazy about cars. Fast cars. Expensive luxury cars. None of what I’d built my life around encompassed this moment, and that was suddenly jarring to the man I continually tried to be.
Looking at Fay…did I even know who I was anymore? I thought I was figuring him out, but the hole was always there. Something was always missing. That something was holding to my hand. She was here.
“There’s Thomas.” Fay waved, as the car pulled behind my own. When he didn’t get out, I was surprised, and Fay picked up on it immediately.
“He knows I want to be here. He’ll give us space until it’s time to leave.”
“You really have him wrapped around your finger, don’t you?”
“He’s a good man.”
“Yes, he is.”
I unlocked the door as Fay threw me a smile and stepped in. Slow steps led her into the living room. Almost nonexistent, her fingers trailed along the back of the sofa. Fay headed for the recliner; a place I’d fell asleep quite often. All I could do was watch her move. Take in her gestures. Memorize it all.
“Every night he was here. Sitting, watching his sports or news.” She reached towards the top, gripping the cushion. “I still can’t believe they’re gone. My life feels so undone. Unfinished. It’s like I’m waiting for my dad or my mom to call to see how I am. I want to tell them about the baby. Out of nowhere, I think, I’ll call them. I’ll—Then I realize, I can’t.”
“Fay.” I walked over, pulling her into my arms as she held to me. “I don’t know how you forgave my grandfather. Not after what he made you feel you had to do because of your mom. I couldn’t. I can’t. It was wrong how he lied to you. How he tricked you. To see you so upset infuriates me. I was a conceited ass during our time together. An unbearable one—”
“Which you had every right to be. Don’t blame this all on Charles. It may have been his order and intentions, but I was the one who acted on it.”
“Still…He crossed a line. Don’t you see that?”
My fingers buried in her hair, pushing the clip free. The dark length went tumbling down her back. The scent of her shampoo only had me holding to her tighter.
“I don’t want to talk about it, Aimon. We see Charles differently. There’s no use fighting. I don’t want to fight with you.” She whispered the last part, sinking her body into mine. Despite the boiling anger, it was nearly my undoing.
