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My twin shifts restlessly, her expression slipping into one of pure misery. "Are you very mad at me?" she asks, chewing on her bottom lip.
"Mad at you? You were mad at me!"
"No, I wasn't."
"Yes, you were."
"Was not."
"Were too."
She opens her mouth to argue and then laughs ruefully. "Are we really arguing over who was mad at who?"
"I…." I grimace. "Yeah, that's pretty dumb."
She laughs again, and then glances at Cormac. She doesn't say anything, but she doesn't have to say it. She's my best friend, and my twin. I know what she's thinking before she does half the time.
"Can you give us a minute, Tiny?"
"Shit. Yeah." He leans down, brushing a gentle kiss across my lips. "I'll be right outside, baby."
"Okay."
He exits the office, pulling the door closed behind him.
"Baby?" Isla squeaks, her eyes comically wide. "Holy crap, Bella. He just kissed you. And you let him!"
"I know," I whisper, pressing my hands to my cheeks. I stare at her. "I think I'm in love with him."
"I freaking knew it!" Isla squeals. "You look different. Happy."
"I am happy." I swallow hard. "And scared out of my mind."
"Why?"
I shrug instead of answering.
"Why, Bella?"
"What if I'm like Marion?" I whisper, tears welling in my eyes. "What if I'm selfish and terrible and jealous, and I destroy his life?"
"Bella," Isla says, her expression falling.
"I could be like her. Maybe that's why I'm always causing problems. Because I'm like her."
"Youaren't," Isla whispers fiercely, wiping her eyes. "You've always been brave and fierce and put everyone else first. Your problem has never been that you don't know how to love. It's never been that you're selfish or terrible or jealous. You're the least selfish person I know."
"I don't want to mess this up."
"You can't mess up love, Bella."
"Marion did," I remind her.
"Mom…Marion…didn't love our dad, not really. She didn't know how to love him. She was just an insecure, unhappy girl who thought he was her ticket to a better life. She loved the idea of him," Isla says with a sad smile. "She didn't even know him. If she had, she would have known that the way she treated us destroyed any chance she ever had of winning his heart."
She's not wrong. Our dad loves us fiercely. As soon as Marion started neglecting us, she lost our dad. He tried to make their marriage work because he felt like he owed her that much, but any softer feelings he had for her died the first time her jealousy and selfishness hurt us.
"You don't have to do that, you know," I whisper, dabbing at my eyes with the sleeve of Cormac's jacket. It smells like him, and that gives me strength.Hegives me strength. I don't feel like a problem with him. He makes me feel as if I'm exactly who I'm supposed to be.
