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I can tell he doesn't believe me, but he doesn't force the issue. He lets the subject drop for the moment, nudging a chair with his foot. "Sit down, angel," he says. "Let's get this out of the way so we can get you back to our girl."
"Our girl?"
He grins at me. "I plan on being her third favorite person behind you and Siobhan."
"Oh." I drop down into the chair, my stomach fluttering and churning. He's so good to her already. He calls constantly to check on her. I know he's checking on me too. The nurses have commented on it. I'm not sure what to tell them though, so I just shrug off their curiosity. "Um, what do I need to sign?"
"Consent forms," he says, flipping open the folder. "They say you understand there are risks and that things could go wrong. If they do go wrong, they say you understand that we'll do everything we can but there are no guarantees. These also give us permission to make decisions back there based on our judgement without having to delay by calling you to ask for input."
"Okay," I say, reaching for the pen.
He stops me, placing his hand over mine. "We have to talk before you sign, baby. I can't just let you sign until you know what could go wrong," he says quietly.
"I… No," I say, shaking my head. "I already know what's at risk, Tate. I know…I know she could die tomorrow. But I also know if I don't sign these and you don't operate, shewilldie. So whatever risks there are tomorrow, I accept them. I have to accept them."
"Death isn't the only risk, Samara," he says.
"I know, but it's the only one that's inevitable if you don't do this surgery." I take a deep breath, trying to calm my nerves. I've never told anyone my story before, but I want to tell him. "My whole life, it was just me and Siobhan. We grew up dirt poor with an alcoholic mom. We ended up in foster care more times than I can count. When our mom was sober enough to get us back from the system, we lived on the kindness of strangers and whatever abusive boyfriend she was dating at the time. She certainly wasn't sober enough to remember to feed us half the time."
"Jesus," Tate whispers.
"I know what it's like to have nothing because I came from nothing," I say. "All I had was Siobhan. Now, she's gone too. So it doesn't matter what the risks are, Tate. Not when the only person I ever had left her daughter in my care. She trusted me to save her baby, no matter what. Iwon'tfail her now. I can't. Scout is the only thing I have left."
Tate watches me for a moment, his eyes bright. And then he curses softly. "Not anymore, angel," he says, gripping the back of my neck. "You have me."
I exhale a shaky breath. He's right. I know he is. And that scares the crap out of me. I feel like the world keeps shifting beneath my feet. As soon as I think I've caught my balance, it shifts again, sending me into another tailspin. I'm falling in love with this man, dangerously fast. Or maybe I'm already in love with him. The latter, I think. But I don't know how to process that right now, not when Scout needs me to be strong for her.
"I'm terrified I'm going to mess up," I admit. "Carly called me a mom a few minutes ago and it just…freaked me out. I don't know how to be a mom. I'm still learning how to be an aunt."
"Then be an aunt first," he says, lifting me out of my chair and into his lap. He wraps his arms around me, tucking my head against his chest. "No one said you had to figure it all out in one day. You'll fuck up and make mistakes. You aren't perfect. No parent is. But you love that little girl with your whole heart, and you want what's best for her."
"I do," I whisper.
"That's what it means to be a parent, Samara. I've seen you fight harder for her in two days than most people will fight for anything in their entire lives. It doesn't matter what you call yourself, you've already got that part down, baby."
"You think so?"
"I know so," he says, pressing his lips to the top of my head. "She's going to love you as fiercely as you love her."
"I'm terrified I'm going to lose her, Tate."
"Hey." He tips my head back, forcing me to look at him. "Do you trust me, Samara?"
"I…" I look into his dark emerald eyes. Do I trust him? "I think… I think I trust you more than I've ever trusted anyone before," I admit, swallowing hard. Isn't that what really scares me? I trust him when I've never trusted anyone, not like this.
"Then trust that I'm not going to let you lose her. Trust that I'm going to fight just as hard for her in that operating room tomorrow as you've been fighting all week. You're not alone in this anymore. I'm right here, Samara. I'm right here."
I press my lips to his, kissing him hard.
"You're hogging her," I complain, pouting at Tate.
"You told me I could hold her."
"I changed my mind. Give her back."
He chuckles, shaking his head. "No can do," he says, patting her gently on the back. "I think I'll keep her for a little while. She seems to like me."
I narrow my eyes on him, wondering if I'm allowed to have Daisy kick him out. Visiting hours ended a while ago. Since he's not technically here on business, surely that means he shouldn't be allowed in here, right? I'm not sure. I decide not to risk it. Just in case Daisy decides to make me leave too.
