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"I know you are. I see it in your eyes when you look at me," he murmurs, pressing his lips to the side of my throat. "I feel it when you touch me. I hear it when you say my name. You love me." His tongue dances up the tendon in the side of my neck, causing my knees to wobble. "You want to marry me."
"Andreas," I say. It's the only thing I know to say. Because he's right. But I can't tell him that and I won't lie to him either. I do love him, so damn much. I do want to marry him; more than I think I've ever wanted anything. After my parents died, I used to pray every night for God to please bring them back. Every single night for two years, I prayed. In two days, I think the way I need Andreas supersedes even the most fervent of those prayers.
But he knows what it's like to lose people too. He knows what it's like to be alone and to be sad and to pay for the sins of others. He's been through so much in his life and he's fought so hard to overcome it. He could have anything in this world. Yet all he wants is to fix the things his father broke—to repair the reputation of his company, to regain the trust of his employees, to heal the hurt his sister feels.
He's selfless and beautiful and the best man I've ever known. How am I supposed to take his heart and his name if I'm only going to bruise one and tarnish the other? That's not fair to him. He's been better to me than anyone ever has. I don't want to repay him by destroying what he's worked so hard to build.
"Tell me why you're afraid to love me," he demands.
"I'm not afraid to love you," I whisper, watching his face in the mirror. He isn't going to let me wiggle out of this one. Not this time. "I'm afraid to let you love me."
He blinks those ridiculously long lashes and then gently turns me to face him. "Explain."
I sigh quietly. "You're already paying for sins that aren't yours, Andreas. If you're with me, even if I don't go to jail, once people find out about my brother, they're going to judge you. Especially if anyone finds out about your father's connection to the Vipers. You've worked so hard to repair the damage he did. I don't want to be the thing that destroys it."
"No."
"No?"
"No," he says again.
I blink at him. "What do you mean 'no'?"
"I mean no, little one," he says, tipping my face up to his with a finger beneath my chin. "Do you know how many perfect moments I've had in my life? Six, rabbit. I've had six." He brushes his lips across mine. "Every single one of them has been since I met you. So no, I'm not going to stand here and let you think for even a second that having you in my life could ever make it worse or destroy it or make it anything less than the absolute gift it is.Youare a gift. The time I spend with you is a gift. Every memory I make with you is a gift. Nothing will ever change that."
"Andreas," I whisper, my heart fluttering as tears spring to my eyes. How does he do that? Every time I think he can't get more perfect, he somehow does. I've never been someone who cries at the drop of a hat. But lord, this man knows how to hit all of my buttons. "I'm scared."
"I know you are." His lips brush mine in another intoxicating pass. "But that's what you have me for, rabbit. Let me be your strength. Trust me to get us through this. It might not be okay today or tomorrow or even next week, but it will be okay. I won't rest until it is."
"I don't want to hurt you," I whimper, twisting my hands up in his jacket, pulling him closer, closer. He'll never be close enough. He'll never kiss me enough. I'm greedy when it comes to him. So damn greedy. I've tried so hard not to be selfish with him, to stand firm and guard his heart as fiercely as I can. But my resolve is weak. I'm weak when it comes to him. So damn weak.
"The only thing that hurts me is you thinking you don't deserve me." His nose glides along mine, his breath blowing hot across the side of my face. It sends pleasurable chills through me, hardening my nipples, heating my core. His hands skim my body, tugging at the fabric of my dress, gliding like silk across my bare skin. "You're the brightest light in this world, little one. I saw you shining in the mouth of that alley and thought you were a fucking angel. I knew then that you were mine. I love you, rabbit. Let me love you."
"Oh no," I whisper, tugging the button free on his jacket and then slipping my hands beneath. I run them up his chest and then over his shoulders, slipping his jacket down as I go. It slides over his back, hangs on his arms, and then slips free, landing on the floor at our feet.
"Oh no?" he murmurs, planting sweet kisses all along my jawline.
"I forgot you could see me where I was standing in the alley."
He huffs out a laugh. "I tell you I love you, and this is your response? You're killing my ego, rabbit."
"It seemed important," I mutter defensively. "I thought you and Giant were kidnappy murderers. Letting you see me probably wasn't smart."
"Jesus," he groans, burying his face in my throat. "I'm never letting you out of my sight again, Catriona. Had anything happened to you…"
I don't remind him that something did happen to me. He got the drop on me. I have a feeling that won't make him feel any better.
"I love you, Andreas," I whisper instead, not sure it's adequate to express the way I feel about him. There's so much, it feels like a tempest raging through me. A million different emotions pulse through me with each electric beat of my heart—hope, want, need, desire. So much damn desire.
I'm not entirely convinced that loving me won't hurt him, but I think I have to take a leap here because I'm already hurting him. Pushing him away is hurting him. Holding part of myself back is hurting him. What's the point of trying to save him from a possibility when doing so causes an inevitability? I don't want to cause him pain. I don't want to be the thing that makes him sad. I just want to be with him. I just want…forever.
If asking for that is wrong, well, I guess I'm just going to have to be wrong.
"Andreas?"
"Yeah, little one?"
"It's my turn to make a rule now."
