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I stop next to Trey but don’t join the conversation. Instead, I drop against the wall with a huff, staring over at Link again like a petulant child.
Yup. Definitely drunk.
I hate that Lincoln is making me feel this way.
I knew coming here was a bad idea.
I miss my Link—the soft side of him where he’s considerate and funny and sometimes even adorable, which is not a word I would have used to describe Lincoln Evans just a few months ago.
But here in Brighton, surrounded by his old high school buddies and swooning fangirls, I’ve faded back into the background, a blip in his peripheral vision, as he moves around the room chatting and laughing. I feel like nothing. And I’m not going to lie, it fucking hurts. I even saw him smoking when I went to the bathroom. I’ve never seen him smoke. It’s like this Lincoln is some stranger, and everything that happened back at Whitmore before winter break was some alternate timeline.
“Except there’s no Infinity Stones to fix this fucking mess,” I grumble.
“And who exactly do you want to snap out of existence?” Jeremy asks, his voice laced with amusement.
I look over quickly. “You’re a quiet walker,” I slur, eyeing him warily. “Like a ninja.”
“You’re a loud talker,” he says, raising an eyebrow.
“Touché,” I say with a shrug and glare at Lincoln.
“If looks could kill. Do you want to talk about it?”
My eyes fall to Trey, who seems content in his conversation. “Not really.” I look around for a drink.
Jeremy nudges a glass of water toward me. “You’ll thank me in the morning.”
I take it and swallow a few gulps, trying to clear my head.I’m so pathetic.
“You’re not pathetic, sweetie. You’re in love.”
“I’m also apparently unaware I’m talking out loud,” I mumble. But I don’t deny what he says. “I thought I was in love once before, but…”
“But?” Jeremy urges me gently.
“But I wasn’t. I get it now.” I squint at him skeptically. “Shouldn’t you be chewing me out for loving them both? You and Trey seem close. I thought you would be pissed at me if you knew.”
He barks a laugh. “I understand wanting them both better than anyone,” he says, giving me a wicked grin. I blush. “But being a gay guy, I also understand that love is love. And those boys? They love each other deeply—have for a long time. And they clearly love you too. If that works for you three, why should anyone judge?”
“You’re wrong. Trey loves me, but I’m not sure Link is capable of the kind of love I need from him.” I hate how my voice cracks. “I want to be what he needs but I don’t think he needs me.”
My own words rip through my body like knives, shredding my heart to bits, and I blink back tears.
“There’s a lot of ‘needs’ in that statement,” he says softly. “What about what you bothwant?”
I look over at Jeremy, taking in his silver hair, teal eyes, and pale skin. He’s looking at me like he’s trying to figure something out.
“You’re very pretty, you know,” I tell him earnestly.
He smiles. “You’re not so bad yourself, kitty.”
I glance at my phone and realize it’s almost midnight. I feel so defeated, and I just want to go home and drown in my own misery. I move over to the table and grab my coat. Trey looks up as I do, his brow furrowing.
“Are you leaving?”
“Yeah,” I say. “Sorry, Trey. I’m just really tired.”
Tears prick the backs of my eyes again, and I don’t want to lose my composure in this bar full of laughing strangers. Then the song flips to Fuel’s “Shimmer,” and fuck if I don’t feel my bottom lip start to quiver. I turn, my coat clenched tightly in my hand, and run to the front door.
