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She smiles sweetly and pats the bed next to her.
“Ugh, for fuck’s sake.” I plop down dramatically. “He’s my ex-boyfriend, okay?”
“That much I gathered from the interaction,” she says quietly. “What happened, though? You put on a good show, but I can spot the start of a panic attack a mile away.”
“Really?” I raise my eyebrows. “I thought I was pretty good at hiding it.”
“You are, but I’ve spent my entire childhood hiding my mother’s anxiety from the rest of the world, so I’m kind of an expert,” she says with a wink.
“Oh gosh, Fi. I’m sorry. That sounds?—”
Fiona raises her hand, stopping me mid sentence. “We can talk about my fucked-up mommy issues later.” She gives me a pointed look. “Right now, I want to hear how this douchebag broke your heart.”
I look away, chewing my lip. “Well, Matt and I were together for a long time. There was a park about halfway between his house and mine—when we were kids, it was our sanctuary. He was kind of an odd little boy when I met him. He always seemed sad, and I suspected that he was being abused. At first, I think I just wanted to protect him.”
Fiona looks sad but keeps quiet.
“By the time we were fifteen, we started dating, and we were together all through high school and were practically engaged just before senior year. He never actually proposed, but it was kind of implied.” I pick at my fingernails. “I guess looking back, I should have seen the signs. As we got older, something about him changed. He was under a lot of pressure from his dad to take over the family business. He always seemed off, like his mind wasn’t really like everyone else’s.”
Fiona frowns. “What do you mean?”
I flush, suddenly not sure if I’m ready to share, but I swallow, forcing myself to continue.
“He was a little rough when we fooled around, and I don’t mean like playful spanking or bites. Honestly, I kind of like things a bit rough.”
“I would not have pegged you for a kinky bitch,” Fiona says, smirking.
I flip her off, laughing. “Well, not likeFifty Shades of Grey-type BDSM or anything, but anyway. When Matt and I did stuff, I always felt uneasy, like he wanted to actually hurt me. Like he got off on my pain and his control over me. Once when I was sixteen, I actually asked him to stop.”
I take a deep breath at the memory. Fiona puts her hand in mine, nodding encouragingly.
“Only he wouldn’t stop. He pulled my hair so hard I could feel the strands pull from my scalp. And then he started choking me. Before I blacked out, I could see this euphoric look on his face.”
I don’t realize I’m crying until Fiona wipes a tear from my cheek.
“Charlie, did he rape you? You asked him to stop, and he didn’t.”
I shake my head. “No, we never had sex. At least I don’t think we did. I guess I don’t know for sure since I blacked out,” I say quietly. “But I…checked…myself afterward, and everything seemed normal. I was so ashamed after it happened, but I was also young and in love at the time, and I thought I just didn’t know how to enjoy foreplay.”
“You're lucky he didn’t kill you,” Fiona murmurs. “What happened after that?”
“Well, most of the time, I thought we were happy. But one night during my senior year, my stepfather threw my mom abirthday party at our house. I went to get something in my bedroom.” I take a shaky breath. “When I walked in, he was fucking some girl in my bed.”
“What?! What a fuck-bucket,” Fiona says, her nose scrunching in disgust.
“The worst part is that he saw me. He looked like he was getting off on the pain he saw on my face. And then the asshole came inside her, still staring me right in the eyes and still grinning like a crazy person.”
“Whoa!” Fiona exclaims. “Stage-five creeper. That’s gross.”
“I was heartbroken,” I say. “But looking back, I guess I lucked out. I certainly wouldn’t be here.”
I stifle a yawn with my hand, and Fiona follows suit, talking around her own yawn. “You’re right, you wouldn’t be here fending off the two hottest guys at this university.”
“Ha ha,” I say sarcastically. “I amnotfending them off. They’re just fucking around with me like all their other conquests.”
“I dunno, Charlie,” Fiona says with a shrug. “Say what you will, but they were both throwing around a lot of big dick energy tonight. I’ve never seen either of them go all alpha male about anyone, let alone the same girl.”
“Whatever.” I’m too tired to overthink it.
