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Trey is sitting nextto me, his lips parted in shock. “You hate-fucked away Charlie’s virginity?” he asks, raising his eyebrows in disbelief.
“That’s the problem. It wasn’t a hate-fuck. It wasn’t just mindless sex,” I stand and run my hands through my hair as I start to pace. “I lost control. We were the same person. It was…”
“Mind-blowing,” Trey finishes. “It’s the only way to describe sex with Charlotte Bennett.”
I sit back down.
“So she doesn’t know it was you?” he asks.
“No,” I say softly. “When it was over, she fell asleep pretty quick, and I bounced in a panic.” I sigh. “I had this whole plan to lead her on and break her heart. I wanted to ruin her. But that night I left feeling even more empty without her, and I hated that even more. But now…”
“Now, what?” Trey asks.
“Maybe you’re right. I’ve spent the past two years so angry with Ellen, with my mom, with my dad, with Charlie.” I lean back, staring up at the ceiling. “I don’t want to feel this way anymore. It’s exhausting.”
“Time to forgive and forget then?” Trey says, sounding unconvinced.
“I’m not saying my feelings will change overnight, but I hope I’ll get there.”
Trey sighs. “So, what now?”
“I dunno. She’s got us both by the balls and she doesn’t even know it.”
He shrugs and gives me a small smile. “So assuming Charlie’s on board, are you done fighting this?”
I bite my lip pensively. “You don’t think three’s a crowd?”
“We’ve shared before.”
“This is different, and you know it.”
“Yeah, it is,” he says simply.
I clear my throat. “Uh, and is this like the previous situation, or are we going to…cross swords?”
Trey snorts a laugh. “Do youwantto cross swords?”
“I don’t know.” I flush and scratch the back of my neck. “I’m just figuring out some ground rules.”
“Well, you know I’m comfortable with whatever, so the ball is in your court.”
“I’ll think about it.” I rub my eyes. “I need a drink.” As I walk over to the bar, my mind wanders back to that late summer night.
I may have omitted a detail or two in my retelling. I didn’t just leave. Charlie fell asleep, and I lost my shit. I curled myself against her warm body, listening to the sound of her steady heartbeat, and I cried. I hardly ever cry, but that night I really cried, biting back sobs. I cried because I missed my happy life and my mom. And I cried because Charlie had given me all those feelings back when my intent had been to hurt her all along. So I gave myself twenty minutes of self-loathing, buried in her smell and her warmth, and I prayed that someday I’d forgive myself for what I’d done to her.
CHAPTER TWENTY
CHARLIE
It’s late morning, and Fi and I are headed to Seattle. Last night, after I got home from the theater, I packed a quick weekend bag, determined to get the hell off campus, and I figured visiting my stepbrothers in Vancouver would be the perfect distraction.
But Fiona convinced me I shouldn’t rage drive and dragged me back to her dorm room for an evening ofPride and Prejudice—the 2005 version, of course—and Twizzlers. Then she hyped up having a girl’s weekend in Seattle instead, so here we are. We’re headed down I-5 toward Mt. Vernon, driving through a corridor of picturesque farmlands.
I glance over at Fiona. She’s humming along with the music. Her auburn hair falls in loose curls just below her shoulders, and she’s wearing a chunky cream sweater and dark skinny jeans with boots.
My mind drifts as I focus on the ribbon of highway and Michael Bublé’s breathy voice floating from the speakers. I’m a little sad that I won’t see Sebastian and Marcus like I had planned, but they probably have a lot going on at the pub leading up to the holidays. They do well for themselves, but it certainlyhelps that my stepdad, Martin, has ensured his sons are well-funded.
Marcus is five years older than Seb and six years older than me. He graduatedmagna cum laudefrom business school while we were still in high school. With money as no object, Marcus opened the pub in Vancouver, and it’s been pretty successful so far. Seb, on the other hand, had no interest in college, so he left for Vancouver right after high school to work as the head chef in Marcus’s place. They’ve always made a good team.
