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“Great news. Thanks for the update.”
I grimace, but I don’t have a retort at the ready. The tension in the air is too thick. “Alright then. I’ll just, uh… be on my way.”
When I walk out to the garage, there she is. My car. Old and rusty, probably in need of an oil change and tire rotation, almost certainly some new wipers.
At the sight of her, I freeze.
To the bodyguards, it probably looks like I’m some rich guy’s girlfriend, trying to decide which of hisfancy cars to take on my shopping spree. That isn’t the case. I’m not deciding anything.
I’m notable.
I can’t move. I’m physically incapable. I can’t breathe or speak or understand why my body isn’t in my command right now. I only know that the sight of my car has rendered me immobile.
“Miss Reeves?” The guy behind me speaks softly. I stand there for a second or an hour or a week because I can’t move and I can’t think beyond remembering the fear I felt a split second before I was kidnapped.
Just looking at my car brings it all back. It was only a second and I know that, but it was the single worst second of my life.
I didn’t know in that second if I was going to live or die, if I was ever going to see Cassie or Monroe or Beck ever again.
In that moment, I wanted to die and at the same time, I wanted to fight and knew it wouldn’t do any good no matter which of the two I chose.
Suddenly, the guard is replaced by a more familiar comforting touch.
“Angel, it’s okay.” He slides me closer to his body and wraps his warmth around me. “No one is ever going to get to you again.”
I still don’t move.
“Breathe, baby.”
I try and the exhale is as shaky as the inhale. “That’s it. Again.” He slides his hand on my belly. “I’m right here. You’re right here. I’ve got you.I’ve got you.”
“Okay.” I take another breath. It’s steadier than the last. The one after is stronger still. Between each, he continues to remind me to breathe, softly, whispering. His hand is soothing, rubbing small circles on my belly.
“You want to talk to me?” he says when the panic attack has passed.
I shake my head. Even if I could talk about it, I don’t know what I would say.
I could tell him that my heart felt like it was closing up, curling into my chest. That my stomach was a tight ball trying to escape my body by lurching up my trachea. That my feet were weighted with all the fear and anxiety of having been kidnapped.
But I don’t want to admit these things. Not to him. Not to anyone.
“I’ll drive you.” He spins me to face him. “Maybe I can convince Victoria to turn loose some of her secrets myself.”
“I have to do this sometime, Beck. I want to be strong enough to fight all these feelings.”
He brushes my hair back, presses a kiss against my forehead. “You are and you will. But you don’t have to rush it. I can help you.”
I gulp. Weakness is dangerous. If I succumb to it once, the next time will be that much more of a cakewalk. And I can’t take that chance again. Falling in love with Beck the first time almost got both of us killed.
For his sake… I need to stay away.
“I’m fine.” I nod at one of the bodyguards who is pretending not to watch us. “I have my protection detail.”
“I can come with you.”
He’s trying. But this is something I have to do without anyone holding my hand. “I’ll be okay, Beck,” I tell him. “I can do this on my own.”
But God, I wish I didn’t have to.
