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The hurt in her eyes makes me want to crumble to the ground. I linger on her words for a moment, trying to think of what she could be talking about. It takes me about a minute, but it hits me like a freight train.
Veronica.
“Princess, that wasn’t what it looked like.”
“Don’t call me that. You don’t get to call me that.”
“I lo—”
“No.”
“I didn’t kiss her back. I promise you, I planned on telling you. I made it very clear I’m seeing someone.”
“Wasseeing someone.” Her glare doesn’t let up and her words send my stomach lurching.
“What?” I whisper, in utter disbelief of what is happening. “Hannah, I just told you that I didn’t cheat on you. Why do you want to break up?”
Hannah rests against the edge of Jackson’s desk as she lets out a sigh. The anger that previously radiated off of her melts into what looks like pain. She gnaws at herinner cheek as she stares at the short-piled carpet. I want to repeat myself, but I decide to give her time to sort out her thoughts. A couple minutes go by before she looks up at me.
“Why did she think it was okay to kiss you?”
This feels like a riddle, one which I don’t know how to solve. It’s not like I have insider knowledge of Veronica’s psyche.
“I don’t know.”
“Yes, you do.”
I don’t have the slightest idea what she’s referring to.
“You’ve spent our entire relationship refusing to tell people about us. I thought we were past that, but Saturday night you made it crystal clear we’re not and that you’re still embarrassed to be seen with me.”
“Baby, I’m not—”
“You are.”
Though she’s wrong, I don’t know how to convey that to her. It’s never been about shame; it’s always been about protecting what we have. Going public brings scrutiny. From our friends, from her mother, from the board at Baker & Park. Well, I guess the last one doesn’t exactly apply anymore.
It’s never been about shame.
Hannah continues as she steps toward me, but I know by the look in her eyes that it isn’t to patch things up. She sighs as she continues, “You once told me that you don’t take kindly to people treating me like I’m less-than. By my mom, by Jackson, but most importantly, by you…”
I know where this is going, yet I don’t have the words to stop it.
“I’ve spent the better part of my life bending to the will of others. I may be stubborn, but I’ve realized recently just how much of a pathological people-pleaser I am. I’ve always beenso focused on what others think of me and not rocking the boat that I forgot my value. I deserve better, even if I’m the only one willing to give it to me.”
A hot lump gathers in my throat, and I swallow hard as tears threaten to spill down my cheeks. The weight of devastation and heartbreak crushes down upon me, but deep within, I still feel an ember of pride flicker. All I have ever wanted was for her to recognize her worth and put herself first. Maybe this was what she needed all along—someone to push her toward that…I just wish it wasn’t me.
“You don’t have to quit to do that.”
“I didn’t quit because of you.”
FORTY-SEVEN
HANNAH
“Then why did you?”
My last twenty-four hours have been so consumed by grief about my relationship with Liam that I am just now realizing the only person I’ve told about New York is Sage. I didn’t even tell Stephen when I quit, just that I had an opportunity, all while biting back tears. I couldn’t get into it at the moment, and I still don’t think I could have that conversation with him.
