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Chapter Twenty-Seven
Sage
It was harder than I thought it would be. We had been together for less than two days before we were ripped apart. Fallon wouldn’t chance us getting caught, so he avoided being alone with me at all times.
He left campus as soon as practices ended. He kept his distance on any buses and from any hotel rooms for the away games. Our solo gym sessions grew with multiple girls and Scott again. It hurt, even if I understood his reasoning. It felt like he could easily turn off anything he possibly felt about me at the drop of a penny. He didn’t even take the bait I dangled in front of him after he witnessed Alex asking me out.
Right before our biggest game, I made a last ditch effort to talk to him by requesting to see him during his office hours. The humiliation of seeing Coach Amber there burned away anydesperation I had left. I also think it contributed to my shitty playing the next day that lost us the championship. Now as I get ready to celebrate the seniors graduating and the awards for the season, there is a hollowness inside me that never seems to go away.
I adjust my black dress one more time in the mirror, double-checking my curled hair and makeup for any last-minute imperfections. Val sits on the bed behind me, swinging her feet as she watches.
“You look pretty, Sage,” she says.
Smiling, I blow her a kiss. “Thanks, Squirt.”
“But you look sad too.”
I still, my hands twisting into the soft material near my thighs. “What?”
“You look sad, like when Mommy thinks about your daddy.”
My chest caves in, aching painfully at what she’s saying. I walk over to the bed, sitting next to her and taking her small hand in mine. I stroke her blonde hair away from her face.
“What are you talking about? When does Mommy think about my daddy?”
Val shrugs. “Sometimes. She said that he made pancakes on the Sundays.”
Blinking away the tears threatening to fall, I hug her to my chest and kiss the top of her head. “I can make you pancakes if you want.”
She grins. “Okay!”
I don’t want to think about my father. I barely remember him since he died when I was around the same age Val is now. I know small parts of what my mom told me. That they were childhood sweethearts. That they accidentally got pregnant with me in their senior year of high school. That my grandparents kicked them both out and never bothered to find us again. Sometimes I wonder if my grandparents know that their son is dead, that I amthe only thing left of him besides my mom’s memories. I know that Val was the result of a drunken mistake from one of the anniversaries of his death, and it was the last time she ever went out to grieve alone.
I wonder a lot how our life might have ended up if my father was still alive. I like to think that my mom wouldn’t have to work so much, that Val would still be my little sister but we wouldn’t be stuck sharing a small bedroom.
Sighing, I let go of her and stand. “I’m just sad that water polo is ending for the year is all.”
My mom knocked on our door frame and we both turned to her. “Ready to go, Sage?”
Val jumps off the bed. “Can we get McDonald’s when Sage leaves?”
My mom catches the flying six-year-old with a laugh. “We’ll see. What if Sage is hungry after? We wouldn’t want to go without her.”
Val frowns. “Will you be hungry?”
I shrug. “I don’t know. It’s hard to predict the future, Squirt.”
She pouts as my mom carries her to the living room. Checking my outfit in the mirror one last time, I turn to the poster I’ve grown used to talking to in his absence. A bare-chested Fallon in a dark blue speedo with red and white stripes off to the side. His hair is cut short, his dark green eyes bright as he holds a yellow water polo ball in the crook of his elbow.
“I hope you see me and you can’t help but take me in your arms and kiss me. And if not, well… fuck you.”
I flip off the paper stuck to my wall and follow my mom and Val out of the apartment. My mom finally sets Val down when we get to our car, buckling her into the booster seat in the back.
I climb into the passenger seat, my stomach twisting with sudden nerves. This may be the last time I see Fallon for a while. We have a few weeks for non-mandatory practices asthe semester finishes up for finals and then a break before the summer camp begins.
“What time do you think it will be over?” my mom asks as we pull into the college's parking lot.
“I think they said it would last about two hours,” I tell her, my fingers twisting in my lap. “I can probably grab a ride from Emily if you want.”
