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“I’m sorry…” she whispered, feeling like a fool.
“You have nothing to apologize for,” he replied gently, not moving. “When I would get scared, I used a trick my mother taught me when I was a boy. Do you want to know what it was?”
“What were you scared of?”
“I was terrified of the dark,” he admitted, and she heard his soft laugh as they sat there in the pitch black of the cell ironically, seemingly unphased. “As I grew older, during the war, I was scared of what was there lurking in the darkness…”
This admission made her curious at how he seemed to control his fears, because he appeared to be so confident, and the scars on his face showed that he’d been through a lot.
“What did you do to get past it?” she asked, unable to resist.
“Come with me,” he urged softly, moving slowly to get to his feet… and took her hand. “This is our secret, okay?”
“The last secret, the kindle, got me shut in here with no access to freedom – remember?”
“Trust me – please?”
She felt his hand touch hers – and closing her eyes, she could almost imagine a life that wasn’t brutalized by the past. His scars were on the outside, but she was just as marred on the inside… and didn’t know which was worse.
“Come…” he urged again, giving her hand a slight tug in the darkness, and she followed. He pulled her silently down the walkway towards the steps, up to the deck of the ship.
“Wait - are you sure? Is anyone going to say something?”she asked, suddenly panicked about everything that had landed her in the jail cell for her own safety.
“You’ll be safe with me – I promise.”
As they walked upwards, heading towards the railing where she’d seen him standing there before, she took a deep breath, feeling calm steal into her soul once more. He put her hand on the railing, but didn’t release it. Instead, he held it and spoke to her.
“When I was a boy,” the captain began. “My mother used to tell me to watch the stars.”
His voice trailed off slightly, causing her to look up at his profile, slightly hidden beneath the hair that would hide his scarred face. The scars were there, but didn’t bother her so much as they obviously did Ric… but rather were a badge of pride. He didn’t quit, didn’t give up, and kept fighting – just like she tried to do after Jack.
… And needed to do better.
This strange captain had literally pulled himself out of Hell, found a new path for his life, and was making the best of it however he could… despite it all.
“Mom would tell me to pretend to take a plastic needle, yarn, and slowly imagine me stitching the stars together into a blanket over the world,” he whispered softly, lost in the thought. She watched, fascinated, he held up a hand, as if to mimic the motion.
“I would start in one spot, slowly moving in a straight line, like a boy stitching together two pieces of leather in Cub Scouts, and it felt normal. Monotonous - and it would keep my fears at bay.”
He paused and dropped his hand – immediately releasing her other one and withdrawing.
“I’m sorry. You probably think that’s stupid, but justfocusing on something else helped a lot when I felt overwhelmed or filled with terror. I thought maybe it might…”
“Thank you, captain,” she said openly, feeling the first stirrings of a deep friendship or something more with this bewildering man – which only served to confuse her as well.
“My name is Will,” he replied in a hushed voice. “I’ll make the announcement in the morning that you are free to join us, so everyone will know officially and hopefully leave you alone.”
“Thank you… Will.”
“Be sure to tell one of us if someone starts bothering you – that’s what we are here for. Everyone wants you to have a nice time, to enjoy yourself, and no one intends to make you cry or prey upon your fears.”
He turned slightly in the moonlight and hesitated.
“What?” she asked, unable to resist.
“Will you join me here, tomorrow night, and we can talk for a bit?”
She was surprised at the unexpected offer – and more so how it made her feel. A part of her felt giddy, almost like a young teenager getting asked ‘out’ for the first time by a guy she never expected… and a part of her, the widow, felt slightly guilty. It took her several moments to answer – only to hear Will speak again.
