Page 42 of You've Always Been Mine

I’m not surprised by Holly’s less-than-enthused reaction to me dating Derek. After all, she knows the truth of how things went down after St. Kitts. I never planned on telling anyone what happened between us, but I didn’t have a choice. I needed help, and I chose to confide in Holly because she’s not close with my family or the Lawsons. There was little chance of her accidentally revealing my secret to anyone who mattered.

But that secret is why she’s not a fan of me dating Derek. Or so she says…

Part of me wonders if Holly isn’t a little jealous. Over the years, she shared stories she’d read about Derek online. It still baffles me that gossip sites bother to write about a successful CEO. I thought they’d focus on celebrities. But I guess when I take into account the number of models Derek was linked to overthe years, it makes sense. He’s not a party boy, but he didn’t shy away from having a good time out in LA.

If we didn’t have such a long history of friendship, his dating history would make me feel vulnerable. Looks-wise, I can’t compare to the beautiful women. They literally use their beauty to make a living. But there’s no way those women could ever hold a candle to the emotional connection I share with Derek. That’s all I need to know to keep the worst of my insecurity at bay.

Just a couple of years ago, before the St. Kitts debacle, Holly told me it was a shame that Derek and I still weren’t close. She’d said how she’d love to go out to LA and visit him with me. I didn’t let myself think too much about it. But when I remember the shadow that fell over her eyes when I told her about Derek asking me to be his girlfriend this evening, I wonder if she hasn’t carried a flame for my former best friend.

But if she does like Derek, it’s only because he’s rich and successful. She doesn’t know him like I do. No one does.

“So, have you told him?”

I blink, and my mind returns to the present. Holly stares at me with a raised brow. “Told who, what?”

“Derek. About…” She glances around then lowers her voice meaningfully, “… you know.”

It’s like she read my mind and knew exactly what I’d been thinking about.

I swallow the lump of guilt that’s formed in my throat and admit, “No. Not yet.”

Her eyes widen. “Wow.”

“Hey, don’t judge me. It’s not an easy thing to tell someone.”

“It would’ve been if you told him when it was happening,” Holly counters, crossing her arms and popping out her hip. “Now that you’ve waited, it’s going to be so much worse.”

Fear mingles with my guilt. “I tried to tell him,” I remind her. She knows all about that disaster.

“You didn’t try that hard. You didn’t even speak to him!”

I frown. “Why are you giving me a hard time, Holly? You know how hard it was for me to deal with what happened.”

Her expression softens, but judgment lingers in her gaze. “I do, know. And I didn’t blame you for keeping the news to yourself at the time, but now that you’re dating Derek, don’t you think he has the right to know?”

Of course, he has the right to know, but things aren’t that simple.

“I’m planning to tell him.”

“When?”

“Soon.”

“I hope that’s true. For the sake of your relationship, you really should get everything out in the open. I’m afraid he’s going to break your heart. I know it’s been a while since you dated, but not good to keep secrets from your partner.” Her superior tone lands its blow, just as she intends.

I feel like shit. I should just call it a night and go home. But then Holly’s face illuminates with her bright smile and she cheerily says, “How about we get another round of drinks and go talk to those guys? I could use some lively conversation to end the night.” She takes my arm and pulls me towards the bar before I can respond.

Still in a guilt and fear-induced mindset, I don’t object when she hands me my next drink. Or the next. Or the next.

I politely speak with the two men who’d been eyeing us, but Holly is the one who does all the flirting. I’m physically present, but my mind is preoccupied by what Holly said.

She’s right.

I’ve been avoiding telling Derek what happened for too long—mostly because Derek hasn’t broached the subject of our night together either.

I’ve used that as an excuse, and I shouldn’t have.

Tomorrow, I vow to tell Derek the truth.

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