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I hear Olivia sigh. “There wasn’t any point.”
I snap. My hurt and angry gaze flies up and locks with hers. “What the hell does that mean, Liv? You were pregnant with my child. Why did you think I wouldn’t care?” I don’t mean to raise my voice, but this situation has robbed me of control.
She flinches. “Sit down. Let me explain.”
My entire body is shaking. My head whips from side to side. I don’t know what to look at. I don’t know what to think. All I know is I’m floored. And the forlorn expression on my girlfriend’s face tells me I’m not going to like what she has to say.
“Please sit,” she murmurs.
I shuffle my way to the living room, only half aware of what I’m doing. My thoughts are going a mile a minute. Olivia joins me. She chooses to sit on her armchair rather than beside me on the couch.
She begins her explanation, “I was hurt when you didn’t call after we hooked up...”
So you decided not to tell me about our child?
I grit my teeth to hold back the snippy reply. Instead, I say, “I told you, I don’t remember hooking up.”
She frowns, but at least she doesn’t look like she thinks I’m lying. “How is that possible?”
I’m forced to admit the embarrassing truth, “My doctor prescribed anti-anxiety medication for me just before the wedding. I didn’t know how it would react with alcohol, but I realized it was messing with my memory. I stopped taking it not long after coming back from St. Kitts.”
“Oh.” Olivia blinks, then her face turns red as she quietly confesses, “I thought you regretted it.”
“Christ, Liv. How could you think that?”I replay every conversation we’ve had since I returned to Michigan. I remember how distant Olivia seemed when I first arrived. How did I not realize something was up?“I’m an idiot.” I shake my head.
“No, you’re not.”
“I should’ve realized something happened in St. Kitts, especially from the picture Grandmom showed me.” There’s no way I would’ve danced with Oliva like that andnottried to shoot my shot with her.
“Picture?”
“It doesn’t matter.” I lean forward and rest my elbows on my knees. The glossy ultrasound is still in my hands. “Who else knows?”
“Pardon?”
“Who else knows we hooked up?”
“I didn’t tell anyone.”
I look up at her in disbelief. “Really?”
“Really. Well…” She bites her lip. “Actually, Holly knows. But only because I needed her to pick me up at the doctor’s office after… the procedure.”
The knife in my heart twists.
Holly’s parting words about snooping through Liv’s apartment suddenly make sense. Yet more evidence that she’s a shitty friend for being willing to spill Olivia’s secret. Though, it shouldn’t have been a secret. Not from me.
“Why wouldn’t you tell me about the baby, Liv?” I ask again. This time, I meet her gaze, forcing her to see my pain.
Another tear rolls down her cheek. “I wanted to,” she whispers.
“Then why didn’t you?”
She opens her mouth to speak, but quickly shuts it again with a shake of her head. “Because it changed nothing.”
I look down at the ultrasound again, and my mind tortures me with flashes of a life that could’ve been. A little girl with brown pigtails or a little boy wearing a baseball cap that matches mine. He or she would have my blue eyes, but they’d have their mother’s beautiful smile. I see our child climbing trees and playing in the dirt before jumping into their grandparents’ pool to cool off on a hot summer day.
I see it all, plain as day. And the knowledge that the child’s life was cut short is devastating. I can’t handle it.
