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“Well, you’ve already addressed the fact I didn’t remember St. Kitts,” Derek begins calmly, “but just to be clear, that woman you saw me with was a work associate. She’s flirty, but she means nothing to me. Nothing ever happened between us.”
The image of the gorgeous woman perched on the edge of his desk is seared into my mind. Instinct tells me she’s not the reason nothing’s ever happened between them.
“There hasn’t been anyone since Avery’s wedding,” he says, wearing a contemplative expression. “Now, I’m wondering if I subconsciously remembered our time together.”
I release a half-hearted laugh. “And what? You wanted to stay loyal?”
The words are meant as a joke, but Derek is serious when he replies, “Yes.”
My pulse quickens. “Oh.”
“Make no mistake, Olivia.” He steps into the bathroom. The large ensuite suddenly feels no bigger than my pantry closet. “If I remembered our night together, there’s no way in hell I would not call you after the wedding.”
Hope, that pesky, potentially debilitating emotion flourishes in my heart. “Really?”
He shakes his head slowly as hurt flickers over his expression. “How can you doubt it after everything I’ve already admitted to you since I’ve been back?”
That’s a good question.
Derek told me he loved me when we were kids, and he’s insinuated his feelings haven’t changed. Still, it’s hard not to have reservations.
“I guess I don’t want to assume anything. I don’t want to risk being disappointed.” Or heartbroken. Not again…
“If there’s one thing you can assume about me, Liv.” He reaches out and takes my hand, bringing it to rest flat against his chest. “It’s that there’s nothing I wouldn’t do to make this work between us. You’re it for me, Olivia Christensen. I need you to believe that.” I feel his heartbeat under my fingers. It’s almost as fast as mine.
“Even though I didn’t tell you about the baby?”
Emotion thickens his voice, “Yes.”
A tear leaks from the corner of my eye when I blink. Derek brushes it away gently.
“It was a silent miscarriage,” I whisper. “I went to the ultrasound expecting to see the baby for the first time. And I did. But there wasn’t a heartbeat.”
“Jesus, Olivia.” He pulls me forward and wraps me in his arms. I clutch onto his back and bury my face into his shirt. “I’m so sorry.”
I begin to sob, but through the tears, I manage to finally tell the father of my child what happened. “The doctor gave me three options. Either I wait for my body to…” I take a shaky breath, “pass the baby naturally, or I could take medication to initiate the process. My last option was to have surgery to… to get it over with.” Tears fall unchecked, but it feels good to finally get this off my chest. Not even Holly knows the gritty details of what happened that day I went to my OB appointment.
“I chose option three.” Now that I’ve started talking about it, I can’t stop. “I didn’t want to wait around while mourning the loss. I thought having the procedure would help me process what happened more quickly so I could move on.” My shoulders slump. “But then I got the genetic testing back, and I learned she had a genetic abnormality. That’s why she didn’t survive.”
“She?” Derek whispers. “The baby was a girl?”
I nod.
His grip tightens. “I should’ve been there, Liv. I should’ve been there for you.”
“You’re here now.”
“How long after LA did you find out?”
“Three days.”
“Olivia…” Derek rests his chin on my head. His arms tighten. “Never again. You won’t ever keep something like that from me ever again.”
“I won’t.”
“Swear it.”
“I swear.”
