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What did I enjoy? “There was never much room for fun under the command of my uncle. Then, after the war, it was rebuilding, trying to prove my place. I did not enjoy much, at least until you.”
“Even if you weren’t allowed, wasn’t there something you yearned to do?”
“Sometimes Gavyn and Celine would force me to festivals, hidden of course,” I said, thinking of the frosts where sweets were always added to market carts, or during harvest months when tales of haunts and horrid sea creatures frightened the hearts of littles across the kingdoms.
“Did you enjoy it?”
I scooped more soil, but a grin played over my mouth. “I tried not to, I tried not to evenlikeCeline and Gavyn, but I often ended those nights with an ache in my gut from too many sweet things, and feeling like I was failing.”
Livia sat back on her knees. “Failing? Why?”
“I tried to be what Thorvald wanted, but even after everything, a war, torture, death, I could not stop caring whether certain people lived or died.”
“They are your family, you know.” Livia touched the soil, eyes closed, calling to her fury magic. She let out a soft breath when a new, verdant sprout burst through the soil. “Celine cares for you like she cares for Gavyn, and he does much the same too. Did you ever spend time with Tait after the war?”
“Rarely,” I said, a drop of something harsh laced my tone. “Sometimes Gavyn would bring him without telling me.” I lifted my gaze to Livia. “I was raised to not have a heart, love, but I always wanted my cousin to live.”
“Is that why you killed Harald?” Her voice was soft, like a whisper through a dream.
There wasn’t fear in her voice. No mistake, she already knew, merely wanted to hear the tale from the source. I told her. Every moment. I described how Harald had slipped into a cruel belief after the death of my father, how he’d craved the destruction of the earth realms. He never let me live a day without reciting my forced hatred of Valen Ferus.
I told her of the beatings Tait suffered. How, when my cousin had been sleeping, half in the Otherworld, Gavyn would help me break into his tower chambers. I’d heal him just enough he’d survive, but not enough that a drunken Harald would suspect my intervention.
Tait never knew. Or if he did, never said a word.
“He nearly broke Tait’s neck during the war,” I said, unable to stop once the truth began. “Harald had taken his rage for the lives lost during the battle out on Tait. I wasn’t there.”
“Where were you?”
I paused. “Healing your uncle.” I gave her a swift smile. “And threatening your father for good measure, of course.”
“Of course.” Livia rolled her eyes.
“A member of the crew intervened for Tait, insisting he wasprotected by blood bonds of the ship. It saved Tait’s life. When I returned to the camp and learned what had happened, something finally snapped within me. When everyone was asleep, I poisoned Harald, then slit his throat, so no one would know it was me.”
Livia had witnessed me slaughter men. She’d seen me torture. I knew she wasn’t stunned to hear the details of Harald’s death, but I hadn’t anticipated a tearful gaze, as though I’d confessed to saving hundreds of helpless littles from a blaze.
“You are a beautiful monster, Erik Bloodsinger.” Her soil-coated fingers covered mine. “All right, what else besides murder brings you peace?”
I moved on to new soil beside a wilder shrub “The sea. I know it sounds obvious, but I am alive on the ship.”
“I saw that, even the first night you brought me aboard. Your countenance changed.”
“When I brought you aboard? What a gentle way to say it, Songbird.” I chuckled. “Is that what we’ll tell the littles someday, that I merely whisked you away for a pleasant voyage.”
Livia sat back on her knees, a tentative grin on her face. “Littles?”
Well, damn. I’d not even realized it had slipped out.
I kept patting the soil. “At your word, of course.”
“Your word doesn’t matter?”
“I would never demand such things of you.” Heat prickled up my neck. “But I won’t deny these gods-awful realms would be better with more of you.”
Livia hesitated, smiling as she tapped a spiked leaf. “Future days. I like speaking of future days with you. It gives us more to hold to during all this.”
“You’ve always given me that, a new sunrise to look forward to.” I lifted my gaze. “When you’d come read to me, I’d wait all day for you to appear. Even when I was banished with my anger, I kept a keen eye on the Chasm, looking forward to future days.”
