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I want to cry. I want to scream. I want her, him,everyoneto know exactly what they did to me.
Because if she’s not lying, if she actually does care…? I don’t want a fucking apology. I want her toknow. To understand on a bone-deep level what her complacency caused.
I force myself to lift my eyes to hers. “You knew.”
She sucks in a soft gasp. “Clara…”
“Youknew.You knew what he planned to do to me and you didn’t stop him.” Tears choke my voice, but I swallow them back. “You didn’t even try.”
Bambi’s tears fall. She tries to square her shoulders, but they slump almost instantly. “I didn’t have a choice…”
I don’t buy that. Not from her. “You always have a choice. Always.”
She opens her mouth to say something, but the front door opens next to us and Demyen walks through. He pauses when he sees us. Uncertainty clouds his features.
“Is there a problem here?”
But Bambi quickly wipes her tears away and nods. “Nope! All good. I’ll go let Gloria know about… I mean, I’m just gonna… I…” She turns on her heels and swiftly leaves through a side door.
Demyen shoves his hands into his pockets and looks at the empty space next to me. “I’ll take you to go see Willow. She’s been asking for you.”
I hesitate. I can’t believe I’m hesitating over seeing my baby girl, especially after all this time fighting to survive so I could, but…
I rub my arms. It doesn’t do much to soothe me.
He holds a hand out to me, then pulls it back. I’m not going to let that sting, at least not for long. I just follow him through the main house and out to the courtyard, where he points to show me where she is.
My heart leaps into my throat.
Willow’s room—herrealroom—is back to how it used to be, with even more plants and toys overflowing it with warmth and happiness. She’s sitting outside with Gloria, snuggled up in a papasan chair reading a picture book under the soft lights of the solar lamps.
Gloria glances up, then freezes. She quickly covers her mouth with a hand, then nods at something Demyen signals and whispers into Willow’s ear.
Willow looks up at me. Her sweet little face bursts into a brilliant smile, and she leaps to her feet. “Mommy!”
I wince. I step back.
Demyen notices.
So does Gloria. She gently hugs Willow from behind and whispers again into her ear. My sweet baby girl’s face falls, but she nods and lets her adoptive grandmother usher her into her bedroom.
My chest burns. My ribs are squeezing in on each other.
“You okay?” Demyen softly asks next to me.
No, I’m not FUCKING OKAY!is what I want to scream at him, but I don’t have the energy. It’s a miracle I can slowly shake my head.
“I can’t…” I suck in a deep, rattling breath. “I just need some time. I want to be my best for her.”
I have to focus on what I want, for Willow as well as myself. I want to hold her close and cover her beautiful little face with kisses. I want her to know I would never, andwillnever, just up and leave her.
But I don’t want to taint her with my touch.
I don’t want the remnants of that monster—still clinging to my skin—to somehow infect her with nightmares.
I don’t want him to somehow touch her through me.
Demyen stares at me. Like he’s horrified. Like I just said…
