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Bambi leans in. “Listen. I’ve got shit from my past still fucking up my brain in ways you really don’t want or need the details for. But I’ll tell you some right now: I can’t listen to old gospel hymns. And whenever I hear one on accident, I seize up like a fucking iceberg.”
“That’s…” I don’t know how to phrase it, so I just go for it. “That’s oddly specific.”
“It’s also what my mother listened to on full blast while her man-of-the-day was busy ‘babysitting’ me in my room.”
The alcohol turns into hot bile in my stomach. I’m officially done drinking for the night. And also eating for the foreseeable future. “Shit. Bam. I’m so sorry.”
She brushes it off with a shrug. I’ve always admired and respected her for her tenacity, but more often and more recently I’m noticing the subtle differences between her natural personality and the thick layers of armor she wears at all times.
My mind does the worst thing possible and imagines Willow in a situation like that. Far away from me, from Pavel and Mako and everyone else who protects her with their own lives. Just sequestered away in some hovel, terrified of hearing the door open because the one person she’s supposed to be able to trust allows the worst monsters of this world to use her?—
Shit.I can’t. I’m gonna throw up.
“If you ever need anything, a therapist or your own lawyer…”
Bambi smiles. It’s genuine and full of gratitude. “Thanks. Really, I’m good. I’m the type of person who believes that the greatest revenge is to be better than they ever could. To live the life they tried to steal from me.” She polishes off her cocktail with a dramatic little slurp. “Of course, if I were ever to run into the bastard who tried to pimp me out, I might need your help hiding a body.”
“Done. Say no more.”
“And hey, when it comes to Clara? Just give her time. Things are still fresh. She’s still navigating her own mind, on top of putting up a strong front for her daughter and trying to be an amazing girlfriend for you.”
That doesn’t sit right with me. “She doesn’t need to do that, though. I love her just as she is.”
Bambi looks at me like I’m slow to catch on and it’s adorable. Maybe it is. To her.
“I know that,” she sighs patiently. “Deep down, she knows that. But she was raised to be a people-pleaser. She was beaten into submission and literally trained to make everyone else happy. Do you want to help her?”
“Of course,” I say without hesitation.
“Then teach her to be strong. Show her she can be assertive and demanding and dominant without consequences from you. Let her draw her boundary lines, and then respect the hell out of them until she’s ready to re-map.”
In a weird sort of way, it does make sense. It’s partly what my gut’s been saying to do.
It’s a relief to know I’m at least stumbling down the right path.
Bambi yawns, stretches, and slides out of her chair. “I’m gonna go make sure Pavel hasn’t fallen out a window or otherwise re-hurt himself. Still can’t believe it—a fuckingricochet.” She snorts a laugh and shakes her head.
“He will never live that down.”
“Not at all. I won’t let him.” She grins, then softens and rests a hand on my shoulder. “You’ve got this. You’ve gotthem.Don’t let your father destroy everyone’s lives without even being here. Just imagine the kind of man you wish he was—and then be better than even that.”
She pats my shoulder, then walks off to the cluster of private cabins I haven’t yet shown Clara or Willow that are nestled in a stretch of woods down the side path. Far enough away to give me privacy, but close enough to attend any emergency that might come up at the main cabin.
Like the love of my life hyperventilating in a boiling shower.
I sigh.
I should go check on that.
28
CLARA
It takes me a few minutes to find my breath again. When I do, I realize that Demyen’s stopped knocking on the door.
I’m not even in the shower this time, which is a huge step in the right direction. I was going to get in; I was going to crank up the heat and scrub every inch of my body until I felt clean again.
But I already feel clean. I actually feel… loved.
