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Throwing Athelia’s panties to the ground, I stand. I need to take my mind off her for a few hours. And thankfully, the best possible distraction awaits downstairs—friends, music, and alcohol.
Chapter Eleven
Athelia
I’m not sure how long it is after Kellan leaves that the spider moves. Ever since he told me it’s venomous, I’ve been frozen, too terrified to even attempt flicking it off.
But now, it’s moving across my collarbone, taking its good old time. Slowly, it makes its way down my chest, and for a moment I’m terrified it’s going to get stuck in the drying cum and drool coating my skin.
I wonder if it can feel my heartbeat—if it knows how terrified I am of it.
What if I die out here?
What if I’m never able to see Haven again?
Or my parents?
Relief flickers in my chest at the realization of who I’d never have to deal with again, and then surprise when I realize I’m more afraid of Professor Kammes than I am of the boys.
At least I got orgasms out of tonight. Can’t say the same for when I’m with that disgusting excuse of a man.
Immediately, I’m repulsed by my thoughts. It’s not like I enjoyed Cal fingering me. And while I was having the time of my life with Kellan, that’s before I realized it washim.
You’ve always been attracted to them,a voice says in the back of my mind.You used to fantasize about them nightly. Still do sometimes.
“That’s because I’m fucked up,” I hiss, fully aware that I’m talking to a voice in my head in the middle of a forest. “Just because I’ve thought about it doesn’t mean I want it.”
Still, the unease doesn’t completely leave me. A secret, dark part of me was thrilled that Cal kept touching me even when I told him to stop. I wouldn’t have felt that way if it had been Wes or Kellan. They’re both terrifyingly heartless.
But Cal—he has a softer, caring side that he tries desperately to hide. It came out tonight, and it gave my mind just enough to latch onto. I was able to trust him. It was only a little, but it was enough for me to enjoy it without feeling violated.
Or at least… without feelingtooviolated.
I’ve always loved the concept of being dominated—of not having a choice in what happens to my body. But I’ve had that choice taken from me countless times, and it’ll happen again. And again, and again, and again.That,I hate. But what happened with Cal…
It’s also my fault for dreaming up different, much better versions of them in my head. I did it to cope with the bullying, I think. For those first couple weeks of freshman year, we were friends. They looked out for me. When I lost them, I missed the feeling of someone having my back.
So,like a fucking idiot, I made up versions of them who still liked me. Ones who were kind to me and defended me. It was stupid, but it helped me get through the years. On occasion, I even fantasized about them killing Professor Kammes for me.
I didn’t see much harm in it until… well, until tonight. Because there’s a shameful, dark part of me that enjoyed Cal fingering me while he and Kellan taunted me.
You’re delusional,a new voice tells me.You’re trying to pretend you were okay with it so you don’t have to acknowledge what they did to you.
“Am I?” I whisper. “Or am I that sick?”
And stupid?
Obviously, I get no answer, other than the spider moving farther down my body. It climbs onto the ropes, and I sob in relief, watching as it comes to a standstill again. I’m not out of the woods yet—pun unintended, because it’s possible I never actuallywillmake it out—but I can handle this.
I’ve tried to free myself, but it’s impossible. Maybe I could if I had use of my hands, but they’re still cuffed, trapped in between my body and the tight ropes. I’m royally fucked, and the only people who know where I am don’t give a shit about me.
There’s no use in calling for help. We walked for so long, and the forest will absorb my screams before they even get halfway to the house. And then there’s the music, the sounds of everyone having a good time, and the alcohol inhibiting everyone’s minds.
No one’s coming for me.
Staring up through the trees, I glimpse the moon. It’s not full, but it almost is.
It’s just you and me, moon. And this goddamned spider.
