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“You’re not touching it,ma belle.You’re going to sleep.” He shoves me onto the bed.
My aching body welcomes the softness of his blankets, and the familiar scent of frankincense and sandalwood soothes me. It’s cozy and inviting, and the smell takes me back to freshman year, before everything got so fucked up.
Kellan climbs into bed and tugs me closer to make room for Cal. Even as I realize how well my body fits against Kellan’s—how comfortable he is—my mind rebels.
No. No, I can’t stay with them. Who knows what they’ll do to me when I fall asleep again?
“Is this a dream?” I whisper. “Please tell me I’m dreaming.”
“No, baby.” Cal kisses my forehead as he crawls under the covers with me. “It’s real.”
My face scrunches up, and finally, the tears come. A terrified, exhausted sob escapes my throat, and I cover my face with my hands.
“Ugh, please don’t cry,” Kellan groans. “I don’t want to sleep on a wet pillow.”
A loudslapfills the room, and I’m pretty sure Cal just hit him. It’d be comical if I wasn’t scared out of my mind.
“I want to wash my face,” I mumble.
Cal sighs, and then his warmth disappears, cool air hitting my body before the covers envelop me again.
Kellan pulls me closer. “I know you’re scared, but you’ll be okay.”
“Oh, shut up,” I mutter. “You like it when I’m scared.”
“Not like this.” His tone is heartfelt as he tucks my hair behind my ear. “Not when I’m holding you while you fall asleep.”
“Then maybe,” I say, happy some anger makes its way into my voice, “you shouldn’t be such a fucking dick.”
Kellan’s chuckle is deep and warm—something I’d find comforting if it wasn’t coming fromhim.“That’s never changing,ma belle.”
Cal comes back with a wet washcloth and gently wipes at my face. It’s not what I wanted, but it’s the best I’m gonna get.
When he’s done, he tosses the washcloth to the floor. I don’t thank him. He doesn’t fucking deserve it.
“Hey, get the light, would you?” Kellan says.
“In a second.” Cal traces a finger down my neck with a smile. “My mark looks good on you, baby.”
The hickey.
Oh my god. How could I forget?
Cal turns the light off and crawls back under the covers. I squeeze my eyes shut as I realize what waits for me tomorrow morning.
“He’s going to kill me,” I whisper.
Cal strokes my cheek. “He doesn’t want that. Besides, I won’t let that happen. Promise.”
I’mnot talking about Wes.
But I can’t find it in me to tell that to Cal, so I just close my eyes and let him pull me into his warm, firm body. Kellan is spooning me from behind, and he kisses my shoulder before settling a protective hand on my hip.
Their soft, soothing caresses warm my heart at the same time they fill me with a cold, dreadful feeling of helplessness.
This is what I’ve wanted for so long. Someone who cared for me—protected me. Someone who was gentle and kind with me.
Why can’t they be like this all the time? Why can’t they be like the versions in my head?
