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Wes sighs, but at least he listens.
I’m not sure how I’m able to fall asleep with my literal bully sitting on the bed with me, but I do. Somehow, I feel safe, even if I know I can’t trust him yet.
You have our loyalty. Our affection. Our protection.
The last thing I remember before falling asleep is the deep ache in my chest. I finally have what I wanted all those years ago, but now it doesn’t matter.
I’ll never be able to trust them.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Kellan
A tense silence fills the air between me and Cal as we leave Athelia’s dorm. The guilt has to be eating at him over the hickey.
When we get to our bikes in the parking lot, he takes his helmet in his hands, but he doesn’t put it on. “I never wanted her to get hurt. Not like this.”
“We know.Sheknows.”
Cal works his jaw before turning to me. “We fucked up, Kellan.”
I nod.
“Wereallyfucked up.”
“I know.”
“I don’t think she’ll ever forgive us.”
“She might,” I respond. “She let Wes stay with her.”
“Because she has no power or strength to kick him out!”
“She didn’t tell us to drag him out, and you gave her the option.”
Cal releases a short, frustrated breath. The late morning sun catches his blond hair, making it almost glow. He looks like an angel, which is so comically wrong that I almost laugh.
“We have to find a way to make this up to her,” Cal says.
“We will.”
I don’t care how long it takes. Athelia could make me beg and grovel for her forgiveness for ten years, and I’d do it happily.
We hop on our bikes and head home. It only takes a few minutes, but it gives me just enough time to think.
She must’ve been so confused. So lonely.
We were some of the only friends she had on campus. I can’t imagine being in her shoes. First, her professor raped her—repeatedlyraped her—and then three of her friends abandoned her.
No,I remind myself.We did more than just abandon her. We made her want to fucking kill herself.
Over the years, we’ve done some horrible shit. We knew it’d make her feel awful. Hell, it’s what we wanted. First, we were punishing her for what she did, but after a while, it became more than that.
We were punishing her for merely existing.
None of us could stand it, having her so close but so far. But how we felt pales in comparison to howshemust’ve felt.
By the time Cal and I have parked our bikes in the garage and pulled off our helmets, my stomach is roiling. We enter the house silently, and I wonder if he’s dealing with the same thing I am.
