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My breath seizes, and I gasp softly when I realize what I’m doing. The plan was simple. Tell him I’m pregnant and get out. It was supposed to be clean and easy, in and out, no emotions, no getting attached. I’m okay being a single mom. I am. But he seems to be getting attached. I didn’t expect that.
He finally glances at me; his blue eyes are filled with so much emotion that my heart starts pounding erratically, and my mind wanders to dangerous territory: what if we do this together? Would it really be so bad? I read online that toward the middle of the second trimester and the third trimester I’ll begin to have weird cravings.
Wouldn’t it be nice to wake up at two AM and know that if I tell him I’m craving pickles and ice cream, or whatever it is pregnant women want, he’d go get it for me just because I asked? I know that’s the kind of guy Ezra is: eager to please and never acting put out or begrudging a favor if it means bringing someone else joy.
That could be us. Going to the doctor’s appointments together. Feeling the babies kick and being able to call out to him to come feel it too. Being together.
“Charlie?”
I shake off the ridiculous thoughts and force a smile, ignoring the consistent thump thump thumping of my treacherous heart.Don’t go down that road, Charlie. I warn myself sternly. It won’t work. It won’t.
“I–th–the heart is formed already. We were able to hear the heartbeat at my appointment when we got that image.” I nod to his hands.
His face falls, “I see.” He frowns, tensing up. “We? Who went to the appointment with you?”
“Ella, my sister.”
He glances down at the image in his hand again. “What was it like? Hearing their heartbeat?”
“It was…extraordinary. Phenomenal. I don’t know how to explain it.” Then I remember the video Ella took. “Hold on, Ella took a video.” I unlock my phone and go to my gallery.
The video is in my favorites album, so it’s pretty easy to find. I look for my AirPods so he will be able to hear their heartbeats clearly. I hand him one and pop the other into my own ear.
Ezra picks up his chair and brings it around the table to place it next to me so we can watch the video together. His shoulders brush mine lightly and fire licks my flesh where our skin touches. He goes still like he felt it too, and he murmurs a low apology, shifting away.
I swallow hard and click play on the video. At first the video is of me as I lean back on the bed in the exam room. It zooms in on my stomach as the doctor spreads her jelly goop on my belly. The angle shows off the tiny swell of my stomach, and it zooms out to the monitor where the babies come to life. Then comes the soft whoosh whoosh whoosh sound of their tiny hearts.
It’s as if I’m watching it for the first time, my heart swelling as I listen. Ezra inhales sharply, and I look at him. His lips part, face softening as he watches the video. The eyes are truly the window to the soul because right then and there, I had a front row seat to him falling in love with his tiny, unborn children.
CHAPTER 12
EZRA
It’s like the earth shifts beneath me. Time stills and life as I know it, changes forever. My whole being is going through a sort of metamorphosis, like a caterpillar going through the change to become a butterfly. I can literally feel myself, mygoals, shifting as I watch the video.
It didn’t sink in fully at first. But now, my God, I’m going to be a father. I’m going to have two children. Fuck. I never gave much thought to having kids. I’m not sure I ever wanted them at all. But Jesus fucking Christ, I haven’t even met them yet, but these babies, I’ll destroy the fucking world if it means they’ll be safe and happy. My heart aches painfully, and it almost hurts to breathe. Fuck.
“Play it again,” I hear myself demand hoarsely when the video ends. Wordlessly, Charlie replays the video. We watch it three more times. “Can you send it to me?”
“Of course,” she replies gently and airdrops the file to me. I place the black and white photograph of my babies–mine–on the table and take a quick photo to use as my background, then I tuck the image into my wallet.
“Well…” Charlie starts awkwardly, and I glance at her. She’s sitting next to the glass windows; the soft morning light glowsbehind her, forming a halo. I look into her eyes, shifting from the blue depths to the sandy brown eye.
“You’re so fucking pretty.” I don’t mean to say it out loud and regret it even more when she goes stiff. I blink and stand up, carrying my chair back to its original spot across from her.
“So, what now?” I ask. What I really want to know is when will she be moving to town. When she’s going to marry me and move under my roof, so I won’t ever miss another moment like the one she had with Ella. I want to be there for the first kick, rush her to the hospital, and hold them on their first day of life. I want to bring them home to my–our–house and have them take their first steps in our living room. I know I have to take it one step at a time so she doesn’t bolt.
“What do you mean?”
“What’s the plan? What next?”
She hesitates like she knows I’m not going to like what she has to say. She raises that stubborn chin of hers. “There’s no grand plan, Ezra. I’m going back to Burlington, where I’ll have the babies. If you want to know, I can text you when they’re born. You don’t ever have to get involved or see me again.”
I glare at her when she’s done talking. “That’s bullshit and you know it. I want to be fully involved, Charlotte. Those are my fucking babies inside you. You’re going to text me when they’re born? Fuck that!”
She licks her lips nervously. “Shh, keep your voice down. That was my initial plan when I came here. I didn’t know if you even wanted kids, and I didn’t want to become a burden to you. I can see now that I was wrong.” She glances at her hands on the table.
“Thank you.”
