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Thankfully, we come across a bench not far from where we parked the car. We take a seat next to each other and slowly eat our meals in silence.
“That was really good.” Ezra says when we’re done. “I can see why the place was that packed.” I nod sagely.
We fall silent again, but it’s a comfortable silence. I sigh, sinking deeper into my seat, turning my head up to glance at the leaves of the tree providing partial shade for the bench we’re sitting on.
“So, I’ve been thinking, Charlotte. How do you see this working between us?”
Still relaxed, I turn my head to him. “What do you mean?”
“This.” He gestures between us. “Us. With the kids and everything.”
My heart does a thud at the serious look on his face. I bite my bottom lip as I sit up on the bench. “Um, I’m not really sure. We’ll figure it out as we go.”
He lets out a deep sigh. “Marry me.”
“What?!” I shriek, jumping to my feet. “What are you talking about?”
He doesn’t get to his feet; instead he glances up at me somberly. “Think about it Charlie, you live here in Burlington while I’m all the way in Brattleboro. We can’t continue with this situation once the babies are born, plus I want them to have my last name.”
I gulp, my heart galloping as my mind races for a response. While what he’s saying makes a sick sort of sense, I shouldn’t be this blindsided. He’s been all the way in ever since I had told him I was pregnant. Butstill.
“This isn’t the fifties, Ezra. We don’t need to get married just because I’m pregnant, and the babies can have your last name even if we’re not married.” I mean, his name will be on the birth certificate.
“And then what? Like I said, I want to be really involved in their lives. From this moment to their birth, I want to watch them grow up. I want them to have a stable household and not have to shuffle from one place to another.”
“But–”
“There are no buts, Charlie. When you give birth, are you going to just send them to me with bottles of breast milk? What? They’ll spend the week with you and come to me for the weekends? I don’t want that. I know it’s selfish, but I want everything. I want you and the kids–the total package.”
“But you don’t want me.” Not really. He’s only saying all these things because of the babies.
“I do. I do, Charlie. From the moment I saw you five years ago, I wanted you. Badly. But the circumstances weren’t exactly ideal.”
I gulp again and place a shaky hand on my chest as if that could slow my erratic heartbeat. “But Ezra, you don’t want to getmarriedto me, do you?” Want is different from love. I don't see myself getting into a loveless marriage, no matter what.
“You can get an apartment here in the city close to my place, so the babies don’t have to travel a long distance to have a relationship with their parents. When it’s my turn with them, you can go back home.”
“But it’s not sustainable in the long run, is it?”
I shake my head, trying to think of another idea. Anything. “Marriage isn’t just for convenience. It’s a serious matter. I’m not going to marry you now just to divorce when they’re older.”
“You think I don’t know that? You think I want to marry just to divorce later? I don’t. The truth is, I’m scared shitless, but there’s no one else I can see myself willing to try it for. I really like you, Charlotte, I do. We’re so much alike, and I know we’d get along great. Sure we won’t always see eye to eye, but I reallythink we can build a solid marriage and a life for these kids…and for us.”
“I don’t know–” I trail off, out of logical excuses.
Yes, when I first met him five years ago, I was excited to get married to him because he was so handsome, and I was so attracted to him. But then we had all those fights and arguments. Granted, it was mostly because of his spiraling addiction, and I’m glad to see he’s gotten his shit together. For his sake and my babies. But marriage…I saw what my parents had and the love they shared. I want that.
“I know this came as a surprise, so just take your time to think about it, Charlie. Don’t make any decisions today.”
“Okay,” I whisper, glad for the escape.
“I haven’t told my family yet, but I know they’ll want to see you after I share the news. Are you okay with coming to Brattleboro sometime next week?”
I nod weakly, not really hearing what he’s saying. I’m still stuck on the part about Ezra being my husband; not a possibility I thought I’d ever have to entertain again.
“Come on, let me take you home.”
He wraps his arm around my shoulders, and I let him lead me to his car. I’m lost in my thoughts during the ride back. We don’t speak much, and all too soon we’re pulling up in front of my apartment.
