Page 52 of Regaining Integrity


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There’s still no care to be had with any of that. If anyone wants to talk to me, they all know where I live. Besides, only three—maybe four—people actually care enough to talk to me on a daily basis.

Chase, the poor guy, is probably worried about me. I shouldn’t have shut him out last night. He was doing his best by apologizing for something he didn’t need to, and I did hear him call after me when I fled and chased after me when I bailed out of the truck.

Instead of shutting the door in his face, he could have come in to comfort me if I had allowed it, maybe even pulled me out of the funk I let myself fall into all too easily.

“I’m so stupid.”

Here, Chase is doing his best to improve his life, and I shut him out of something he could help me with. He has no clue what the right thing to do is. He doesn’t know how I handle something like this or how to really comfort a hurting woman. Unless he has a hidden soft spot for female emotions, I don’t know if he could even handle it. I should ask Patience about it because I know this likely won’t be the last time I shut down since it’s my coping mechanism.

There’s no way I could possibly get angry with him for not coming over when he couldn’t reach me.

“Stupid, stupid, stupid.” Pounding my fists into the cushions around me, I really let everything go. Anger with myself and Cera and every ex of Chase’s who stopped by last night convinces me to get up and finally put my phone on the charger.

The TV covers the sound of my feet slapping against the hard, cold flooring of my tiny kitchen as I start to pace while I wait for my phone to have enough juice to come back to life and give me notifications and voicemails.

Worrying my bottom lip, I stop with every pass only to find it still flashing up at me. “Charge, damn you.” My fingers start to work through the knots in my hair. I may have bathed, but I didn’t bother doing anything with my hair. There isn’t any need to make it look nice right now.

Another pass and nothing, I’m halfway around the kitchen island for the hundredth time when everything I’m letting myself swim in is interrupted.

The doorknob to my door shakes like when someone puts a key in. Petrified in fear and uncertainty, I watch it slowly turn and then fly open to let in my crazy mom and grandma, with Lorelei trailing them to close the door.

“Hello?” Mom sings into the room, her eyes searching until she lands on me. “Oh, my baby.” She rushes in, nearly dropping the grocery bags she has on both Grandma’s and Lorelei’s feet and grabs me.

“M-Mom?” My hands are pinned to my sides in her death grip. “Wh-What are you doing here?”

She pulls back, reaches up, and brushes my crazy hair out of my face. “I know when my baby is hurting.”

“Bullshit.” Grandma shoves Mom out of the way, her hands replacing my mom’s while I look wide-eyed at my best friend. “We heard from Donna Thorne about what happened last night. Her poor boy is torn up about it, and we knew you would be the same. Stupid little bitch still can’t leave your beautiful soul alone.”

How could you possibly not smile at my grandma’s choice of words? Lorelei nods her agreement, staying quiet because she knows these two women and how much wiser it is if she does. I smile down at Grandma, and the pain I felt started to perish with the appearance of my three favorite ladies.

“That isn’t true, Mom.” My mom rebuffs. “I knew something was wrong. When we were watching whatever show you had on, I felt it, so don’t—”

“Either way, I’m glad you’re all here.” Stopping the fight before it starts, I step away from them and look into the bags the same time Lorelei comes to my side and wraps me in a side hug. “Thank you for coming to level out the crazy.”

“You’re welcome,” she whispers back. “Now, what is your poison for the day? Chocolates? Cheeses? Or most importantly, wine?”

“Everything a girl needs.” I laugh as Mom leans in and kisses my temple. “Even if it’s not even ten in the morning.”

“Go get something on those legs and brush your hair. We’ll get everything set up.” Slapping my butt, Mom pulls me away from the counter.

“And put some deodorant on, for Christ’s sake.” Grandma throws in. “And then we can get shit-faced.” Lifting one of the bottles, she goes in search of my corkscrew, and I laugh because it’s a twist cap.

After shoving my legs into a pair of leggings and wrangling my hair into a messy bun, I head back out to the kitchen, crawl onto a barstool, and spill every detail of last night to them.

I don’t spare them any details.

“Don’t let old pussy get in your way.” The wine I just swallowed threatens to come back up as I choke on a laugh. My grandma never holds back. She says it comes with age, but I think she’s always been this way.

“Mom.”

“Grandma.”

Lorelei just smiles into her glass.

“What?” She wraps an aged arm around me; her strength has yet to disappear. She’s still as strong as she was when I was little. “It’s the truth.” Her knuckles tap my chin, instantly bringing a smile back to my face.

I lean my head against her shoulder and take a deep breath of her peppermint scent mixed with the smell of the wine. Whenever I get myself down, I should know better to always let these three comfort me.

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