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Waking up to see another monster in my bed had me catapulting into the past I wanted so badly to finally leave behind me and has destroyed my fragile mind.
I need to disappear.
A knock on the door startles me. A sweet voice that doesn’t belong in my darkened past shines through the storm clouds of my memory, reminding me I’m in the bathroom at Missy’s home in Wyoming and not back in Grant’s nasty place. “Alexa?”
Everything was on the fast track to being perfect with Miles.Too perfect.As I fell asleep last night, I resolved to tell him everything today. That was the plan until I felt something fuzzy where Miles should have been cuddled into my face, seeing as I prefer him over a pillow. When I dared to crack an eye open, a big furry creature, similar to the ones from my nightmares, was in my bed instead.
I knew from seeing Grant shift it was a werewolf. I fought back a scream as I rushed out of my room and slammed the bathroom door so hard, I heard Rylie jump into action through the wall. Flight is still thrumming through me.
I can’t go through this again.
“Sweetie, Miles is gone. Want to come out?” In my rush, I never bothered to lock the door. Rylie tests it, opening it just enough to poke her head in. Her usually happy face is concealed with worry. “What’s going on, Alexa?” Walking in, she takes a seat next to me by the bathtub. It's not easy, considering her leg is still in a hard cast. “I mean, I get waking up to a werewolf isn’t the best way to start the day—”
“You knew what he was?” My voice is shrill with more panic.
Shrugging, she looks up at the sink. “Yeah, Mason’s one too. I didn’t think you would take itthatbadly.” She gestures out the door and across the hall to my room. “I didn’t take it thatbadly. I mean, I kind of did, but I also found out my brother is one as well.”
“What?” I scoot away from her, suddenly feeling a burning sensation to run the hell away.
Is every guy I know one?
“Derek, Roper, and Brandon are as well,” she answers my unspoken question. “It takes a while to get used to it.”
I can’t help the snort as I stand. “Or not.”
I was beginning to warm up to letting Miles in. Everything was different with him, or so I thought. I felt and still feel a deep connection with him that I have never experienced and honestly can’t find the right words to describe. All of it scares me. I know Rylie thinks my freak-out has something to do with just seeing Miles as a monster, but it’s so much deeper than that.
Last night, when I saw Miles on the porch, I knew we needed to talk, but I lost complete control, and my primal thoughts took over my actions. After hours of reconnecting, I drifted to sleep feeling happy and thought everything would be perfect. Miles wasn’t the same as Grant. He wasn’t going to strip away everything about who I am and leave me as a shell of a woman who depended on him.
While I drifted to sleep, feeling his gentle kisses on my bare shoulder, I admitted I was already in love with him. But Miles turns out to be just the same as Grant.
A monster.
I can’t go through that again. Not even if Miles isn’t nearly as bad as Grant.
“What’s the matter, Alexa?” Rylie struggles to stand and follow me back to my room. I can’t get into the fetal position androck myself back and forth in the hopes everything bad will just go away, and this is just another bad dream. “It can’t be that bad, can it?”
Drying my tears, I begin to assemble my outfit for work. Going will help me get my mind off all this mess.
“I need to get ready, Ry.”Stay strong, Alexa.
No, stop and talk to her! She can help.
My mind wars with itself, causing the headache to blossom even more so. I should tell her, but my actions are winning out.
“Alexa … what’s wrong? There’s more, isn’t there? What did Miles do?”
I shake my head as I pull out a suit from my closet. “Nothing. He didn’t do anything, Ry.” I look at her, and seeing the concern on her face hurts. I want to tell her everything about my past; Grant, Teague, how I know about werewolves, but the fear holds my tongue. “I … can’t right now.”
It’s a struggle to get the words out. My throat is choked on too much emotion.
I feel like a shitty friend for not opening up to her, but I’m not ready. “Can we talk about this some other time?” She needs to understand I’m not at that place yet. With most of my past, I just got comfortable talking to a professional. I know it hurts her to be kept in the dark. It hurts me as well, but it just has to be that way for a little while longer.
Rylie lets out a frustrated noise. “As long as youdotell me eventually.” She carefully backs out of my room before returning to force me into a hug, and I feel even worse. I’m relieved I didn’t have to relive my past by telling her since I needto be in court today, but I stillneedto get this off my chest to more than just Leanne.
The burden has started to overwhelm me, and I need to find a way to face it so I can actually begin living.
What I’m doing now isn’t truly living, and I’m over just existing.
