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Alexa
The champagne flute in my hand quakes as I lift it to my lips. The need for liquid courage only sours my stomach more. It’s not liking the light, bubbly stuff at all. Nevertheless, I bring the microphone up to replace it.
Nina and Tom shared their speech, talking about how wonderful it is for Mason to finally have a woman like Rylie in not only his life but Archer’s as well.
Then it was Missy’s turn. She kept it short and sweet, ending at three minutes before the spotlight was turned down to Archer. He talked about how excited he is to finally have the mom he’s always wanted. I cried a little because, instead of Archer standing there, he was replaced with Teague, who is only a year older than the little boy who stole my best friend’s heart right alongside his dad.
It made me wonder how often Teague really thinks of me. Am I just another person he knows but doesn’t really, who sends him birthday presents a month early and never forgets any other holidays I can send him gifts for?
Could I have raised him on my own and still got through school while keeping us hidden? Would I have been able to protect him when I had to be in class or studying? What about when he shifted for the first time? How would I have handled that?
I would have freaked. It’s for the best anyway.
Rylie had reached over when I was starting to fall into another bout of sadness at the thought of the life I gave up in order to keep Teague safe. She squeezed me and gave me areassuring smile; one she shouldn’t have to wear on today of all days. Her face should be aching from beaming all evening. I was so lost in my head that I missed Miles’s toast completely. Not even the sound of his voice that my body reacts to every single time didn’t respond.
Looking up, I found others still laughing as he walked back to his seat in the darkened corner he’s been in with Roper, Derek, and Brandon. It leaves the final toast up to me.
No pressure or anything.
I had managed to pull myself together enough to come up with something last week that I wanted to say. It won’t be funny like Miles’s was, but it comes from the heart.
Here I stand, feeling every eye on me, but it’s a single set that has my skin heating, leaving me hyperaware of the man watching. To Miles, I’m captivating.
Yeah, just not enough to keep it all the time.
Turning my back to the main table, I look out and find Thea slumped over at the bar, trying to bring another sip of whatever she has been slamming back all night to her lips.
What the hell does she have that I don’t?
Why is it that’s where a woman’s thoughts always go? To tear down one another when it might just be the man who is the problem?
Back to your duty, Alexa.
“Good evening, everyone.” I start. “I had this whole thing figured out, but at this moment, it’s all lost to me.” I look back at Rylie and how happy she truly looks seated closely to Mason. “They really are an amazing-looking couple, aren’t they?” I ask the room but don’t wait for a response. “Rylie has been my best friend from the moment she put down her camo bag on her bedin our dorm room, and I complained about her lack of any shoe with a heel higher than that on her cowboy boots.” This makes both of us laugh. No one else has to get it. I love my heels, while Rylie prefers to stomp around in boots. “Anyway, being her best friend, I saw her through her highs and lows, much like she has done for me. I saw her heart be broken from the first time and then soar when Mason came into the picture. I see love when I look at the two of you, and I know that whatever life throws your way, you’ll have one another’s back. Mason, take good care of her because she’s more precious than I think you could even understand. To Rylie and Mason.”
Everyone follows me in lifting glasses and toasting the couple. I can’t keep my tears at bay anymore. Placing my fluke down rather than taking a sip, I return the microphone to the DJ booth where Brandon’s brother is seated and take off for the bathroom so I can collect myself.
Typically, I’m not a crier. I usually hold my emotions in check. Thanks to everything I've been through, I schooled myself to keep it all under lock and key. I would be institutionalized if I didn’t learn how to.
The bathroom is gloriously empty. Going to the sink, I brace myself on the counter and will myself to stop crying. I don’t know if I’ve just hit my limit today or what, but the weight is almost too much to bear.
“Come on, Alexa. Rylie doesn’t need a sobbing maid of honor.” Shaking my head, I take a few tissues and dab at my eyes. Unlike most bar bathrooms, Half Moon is nice and tidy. It’s clean almost every time I come in here, which has been often over the past couple of days while decorating for tonight.
Once the makeup that has run is gone, I carefully make it look natural again even though I don’t have my purse withme. I can get through the rest of the night and then go home to regroup. Obviously, I wasn’t meant to talk to Miles tonight.
I’m still shaking when I open the door. Before I can look up to head out, my body is pressed into the wall right outside in the hallway, stealing the breath from my lungs.
“I can’t take this anymore, Alexa.” His voice is desperate, on the edge of snapping as he rubs his nose against my chest. His body envelops me in a warmth that’s just as tempting as the rest of him. Fear isn’t anywhere in sight as Miles presses his entire body into mine. Need, thrill, and hunger consume me while the pain I’ve been dealing with in my chest vanishes in an instant once again.
My hands are plastered to the wall at my sides, unable to move like the rest of me other than breathing. Like the few seconds in the church, everything feels like it has fallen back into place. And now, I pay attention to what my body tells me it knows of Miles.
I cringed and locked up around Grant. His touch was never gentle, even when he attempted to be in rare moments. There was always a hard edge there that made my skin crawl and made me feel as if I would never be able to breathe again.
With Miles, I breathe. With each inhale, I take in his scent and presence and expel all negativity. I am safe. My body gives him what my mind hasn’t figured out yet by relaxing and giving in to his hold on me.
My eyes flutter shut.
“I know you feel this too, Alexa. We’re meant to be just like Mason and Rylie, Derek and Annabelle, Brandon and Macy. I miss you, baby. I miss the connection we share that’s far more than just nature telling us this is meant to be. Come back to me.”
