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It had been strange not being torn in ten different directions at once, and by Tuesday, I was looking at ways I could actually relax. It had been so long that I had almost forgotten how to enjoy evenings of doing nothing, and it almost felt wrong to enjoy them.
I had intentionally rescheduled an exam I had been set to take the week before for Friday afternoon, and I wasn’t sure if I had woken up feeling a little nauseous out of the nerves for taking that or if it was just my body trying to adjust to a new schedule yet again.
I checked my phone, hoping lying in bed for a few minutes longer would help ease some of the nausea that had swept over me and hoping even more that I had gotten a text from Alex.
Hey, I know I said I was just going to need today off, but something came up family-wise that’s going to be keeping Lucy and me busy all week – so you don’t need to come in at all next week, and we’ll pick up again the following Monday, sound good?
I read the text over for what felt like the thousandth time. When I had received it from Alex the week before, I had been alarmed and had immediately texted him back, asking if there was anything I could do to help.
Oh no, is everything okay? I know you said you’ve got Lucy with you, but if there’s anything I can do to help you out, just let me know.
I’d fired off the text so quickly in response that I hadn’t even thought about how it may come off. Alex had apparently taken it to mean I was worried about my paycheck, which wasn’t the case, but I chose to let it go for fear of making the situation awkward.
Everything’s fine. I just have to be a little more hands on with Lucy for the next week or so. Don’t worry, I’m still going to pay for the week – I know you gave up your other job for this and I don’t want you to lose your wages. Don’t even try to argue about that. It’s already settled.
I’d felt silly with his response, and kicked myself for not being clearer about why I had been so eager to help out in case he was needing it. But I kept my reply short and sweet, making up my mind to tell him how I really meant it the next time I saw him.
No worries on that front, I just want you to know I’m around if you need me. Let Lucy know I’m thinking of her, too. Miss her already.
I had been tempted to point out I was going to miss him, too, but held back. For as friendly as the two of us had been with each other over the past week, I was still primarily the nanny, and I had to keep things in that light. I even forced myself to ignore the fact I was a little hurt he hadn’t told me what was going on.
He and I had slept together once. That wasn’t a relationship. We had even brought up the fact that neither of us were ready to put any label on it, and we were taking things as they came. I didn’t have the place in his life for him to tell me what was going on, and I had to accept that.
But, as I read over the conversation yet again, I wished he would text me. I wished I had reason to text him. And I ultimately forced myself to get up and out of bed so I could get my day going. I had to get to campus so I could take the exam, and I wanted to show up looking put together for once.
###
Four hours later, Professor Hampton grinned when I walked up to the front of the classroom and handed him the stack of papers.
“I didn’t know I was going to be the only one here,” I said. “I feel bad you came in just for me to be able to take the test.”
“I said you could postpone, so of course I’m going to make the time to come give you the test when you could take it,” he told me. “I admire you, Cassie. You have worked hard all semester, and I want to see you succeed.”
“Thanks, Professor Hampton,” I said. “It’s been quite a semester on my end, but I’m glad I stuck with it.”
“I am, too,” he said. “From what I am seeing, that nanny business you have is thriving, and I heard you were working on top of it while still managing to make it to most of the classes here. I have had kids come through who aren’t doing half of what you are in their daily lives, yet they drop out of here because theyclaim it’s too much work and too hard for them to keep up with what I’m asking.”
“I guess it’s just a matter of priorities,” I said. “My business is actually generational. My grandmother was the one who started it, but she wasn’t able to keep up with the demands of doing it all when she got sick with cancer, so I took over. I have long envisioned what I want it to become, but I don’t know how to get there, so I guess that’s why I started with the classes here.”
“That’s smart,” he said. “And good for you. I’m glad to hear you’ve kept going what your grandmother started. I can only imagine one day my kids will want to follow in my footsteps in one way or another. But then, being a college professor, I can’t say there’s a lot for them to emulate unless they also become teachers.”
He laughed, and I joined in. “I guess you could say their drive for their own passions in life are the payoff you have for the hard work you did. I’ve had a lot of teachers, but you’re definitely an inspiration to me to keep working hard on what I’m doing.”
“Thank you, Cassie,” he said. “I do want to see each of my students do well, but year after year I tend to meet one or two I really feel like are going places, and you are certainly going places, Cassie.”
“I really hope so,” I said. “And it means a lot to me that you are so confident in my future. I can’t tell you how many times I have been overwhelmed out of my mind and wanting to give up these past few months, but I keep thinking about the end goal and how I’m going to get there.”
“Will I be seeing you next semester?” Professor Hampton asked. “I know it can be a struggle, but I would hate to see you make it this far and not be able to finish.”
“I’m hoping so,” I admitted. “I really do hope so. In all honesty, it’s tough for me to say for sure with the money side of things. Iwant to keep going right now, but I don’t know if I’m going to be able to afford the tuition coming up shortly.”
“There are scholarships and grants you can look into,” he told me. “Student loans, too. I know those are a little trickier with having to pay them back, but they are an option.”
“They’re an option,” I agreed with a nod. “And one I’ve utilized in the past. If I take out any more loans, I’m afraid I’m going to be drowning in debt for the rest of my life. But trust me, I’m looking for other ways to get the money. And if worse comes to worst, I can take time off and come back to the classes later.”
“I know you can,” he said. “And I’m not going to discourage you from doing that if it’s your only option. Just be aware that it’s harder to finish if you take that time and come back later. That’s why a lot of students are encouraged to go to college following high school graduation. Many of those who take the time off beforehand don’t ever tend to go.”
“Right,” I said. “And that’s another thing in the back of my mind. But don’t worry, I’m not giving up.”
