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CHAPTER ONE
WILLOW
I enter through the door and take a seat, glancing around the corner office as I do. The sun is setting outside the floor-to-ceiling windows. The door ominously clicks shut behind me as Jeff enters, the CEO, and sits behind his desk. Dr. Cooper, my supervising physician, lowers into the chair by my side at the same time. I’ve worked with him for six years, but he won’t meet my eyes. We’ve grown close over that time, too, laboring shoulder to shoulder. Long days of surgery and seeing patients in the clinic and even longer nights on call together. I’m his physician assistant. His right-hand woman. His work wife.
I forced this meeting because I knew something was brewing. Today is a clinic day. And this morning, a PA student showed up unexpectedly—Toby. He’s graduating in a few months. He did a rotation with us earlier this year and shadowed me in the clinic. I taught him the basics of rounding, taking calls, and assisting in surgery. How to scrub in and how to suture. But no one told me he was coming back for another week. Turns out, he had a different rotation that fell through, so he’s with us again instead.
Sounds normal enough, right? Well, I was originally told that he was rotating with my physician and me because one of the otherpartners was thinking of hiring a PA and they were interested in Toby. So, I walked to the other side of the clinic to ask that particular surgeon if he wanted Toby with him in surgery or at the office this week. Surprisingly, that doctor knew nothing about the PA student. Something clicked inside of my head.
There’s been tension between Dr. Cooper and me in recent weeks. He’s married. I’m single. Some professional lines have been crossed, and it’s hard to untangle things once that happens. We’ve been arguing more and more. Long workdays have become uncomfortable at times. But it never dawned on me that Dr. Cooper—Ron—would get rid of me. Or replace me with someone else. He needs me too much, right? And we’re not just coworkers. We’ve become …moreover the years.
But he won’t meet my eyes right now as Jeff begins to talk. The two men in the room are uncomfortable, shifting in their chairs. It’s interesting when it comes to confrontation. The CEO sitting behind that big mahogany desk is the leader of the company, and the surgeon beside me is the alpha male type. Dr. Cooper commands an operating room and is one of the best orthopedists in the state. But right now, he’s the weakest person in the room. Because he doesn’t have the guts to meet my gaze as he stabs me in the back. Maybe he’s doing it purposely to make me angry so that it’s easier to walk away from our partnership.
“Just give it to me straight,” I say, my voice firm and strong, but not raised. I’m eerily calm. I can sense what’s coming, and I’m ready to take it. I’m wearing my resentment like a shield. And I won’t leave this room without the truth. “Is Toby here to take my place?”
After a brief pause, Jeff confirms my suspicions, voicing what Dr. Cooper can’t—or won’t. “Yes.”
I guess that’s why Jeff is paid so well. Because he’s here to clean up the messes the doctors make. He’s the hit man, hired to do the dirty work for them. I’ve always known Jeff wasn’t my advocate. He looks out for the best interest of the doctors first and foremost. But I never thought he was my enemy until now. I’m too valuable. Irreplaceable. Untouchable.
How silly of me to think that.
I’m just a woman working in a man’s world after all. And this job—orthopedic surgery—is the most male-dominated profession of medicine. Old-school rules apply here. The men are the alphas, the leaders. And the women are here to serve them or to stand there and look pretty.
I’ve never felt as indispensable as I do right now. As diminished. I’ve given this place six years of my life. Blood, sweat, and tears. Time.Allmy time. I neglected my personal life for this position. My friendships and my relationships. Boyfriends. I worked for a workaholic, which automatically made me one by default. And now, I’m in the first half of my thirties, and what do I have to show for it? A house and a car—material things that I don’t have time to enjoy. Six years of hard work that all boil down to this moment.
“Why?” I push, oddly unemotional. “Did I not perform well? Was there something I did wrong?”
Jeff speaks gibberish. Dr. Cooper stumbles over his words.
Finally, the truth comes out. And Dr. Cooper still can’t look me in the face.
“My wife doesn’t want me to work with a female anymore.”
I scoff out a mirthless laugh.So, the problem is the space between my legs.
I could sue them for firing me for being a woman. It’s meritless. And from the cringy look on Jeff’s face, he’s aware of it too. But Dr. Cooper—Ron—knows I won’t. I’m not the legalistic type. Plus, suing a former doctor you worked for is the kiss of death if you want to be employed as a physician assistant again. The medical community is small, no matter how big this city is. And word travels quickly in these circles.
Dr. Cooper’s wife is a fool if she thinks removing me from the situation will fix anything.
“So, what …” I start.
Ron finally looks at me. There’s guilt and remorse in his clear blue eyes and maybe a little fear mixed in there too. He knows there’s so much I could say to burn him. He’s aware of all the things that have happened between us and everything that I know.
“You were just going to let me train Toby and then bring him in to replace me without even telling me?”
“No,” he says, clearing his throat. “I was trying to figure out another position for you. Maybe a research position.” He speaks slowly, like I’m a rabid animal, one word away from pouncing.
My eyebrows lift. So, he was planning to keep me here, hidden away in a bullshit position that I never wanted or asked for. Like a sidepiece.
“I’m not interested in that,” I say directly. Calmly.
And I’m not. If this is the end of my employment here, then I’ll move on. It hurts, going out like this. My pride is taking a beating. But I went to school for years. I have my master’s degree. And I still have a small piece of my pride intact. I don’t want a research position. I want to work with patients and assist in surgery.
“So, where do we go from here?” I ask.
“Why don’t you go ahead and take the rest of the week off?” Dr. Cooper suggests, like he’s doing me a favor. He’s being the “good guy” right now. The amiable boss.
“Okay,” I agree.
