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“Nothing,” I say, but my voice is tight.
I feel the need to run, the enormity of my newfound feelings for Zane and my uncertainty over our situation bubbling to the surface. I need space. I’m feeling too much. Caring too much. This can only end in heartbreak for me. My heart is already cracked. I’m not sure it can withstand another assault.
And the truth is … Zane and me … itisgoing to end.
I rise from my seat, his hand that brought me comfort earlier sliding off my skin. “I need to use the bathroom.”
My eyes don’t meet his as I walk past him and into the house, shutting the door behind me.
Jessica is stomping across the living room with a drink in her hand. She stops in front of me, her blue eyes cold as ice as my body drips water on the hardwood floor.
“I hope you know all of this”—she waves her hand around the room—“is temporary.You’retemporary. So, don’t get too comfortable.”
The sting of her words is a direct hit as she strikes to kill. The insinuation joins Wyatt’s warnings that are already jumbled inside my head. She moves past me, her shoulder bumping mine in the process.
And the emptiness grows.
I close myself inside the master bathroom with my things. My hands are on the countertop, anchoring me to the space. I’m staring at my reflection in the mirror, wondering if everythingthat happens to me is justified. Maybe I don’t deserve something – someone – good right now.
Maybe this is karma spilling over, coming to collect its pound of flesh. All my bad decisions culminating in this moment.
The loneliness swirls around me, drowning me and stealing my breath. And I no longer recognize the person who is looking back at me.
I spin around and turn the knobs in the shower, adjusting the temperature until it’s just right. Then, I remove my swimsuit and step beneath the showerhead, allowing the water to wash away my sins. But the more I scrub, the more they drift to the surface like impenetrable scum. My mind is a quagmire of thoughts of the past six years and the last few days with Zane.
I don’t know how long I’ve been in the bathroom, lost inside my head, when I hear the hinges squeak as the door opens. I can feel Zane in the room, but I don’t look at him. Not when I hear his clothes rustling as he removes them and not when the door to the shower opens and he enters behind me. His body is warm when he presses his chest to my back and his arms collapse around me. He holds me for a few minutes before he speaks.
“What’s wrong, Lo?”
I shake my head, wanting to deny that anything is wrong, but unable to speak.
“What happened? Did Wyatt say something to you? Jessica?”
I spin in his arms until we’re facing each other, my eyes searching his face. “Did you steal Jessica from Wyatt in high school?”
His brow furrows, and his expression clouds over. “No.”
“What happened between the three of you?”
I want him to tell me something different from Wyatt’s version. And I want to believe him. Because if Wyatt is lying, then maybe this—us—isn’t a game.
“Jessica and I started dating in high school. We had a fight one night. She was mad because I had been spending so much time on the slopes and we hadn’t seen each other. Snowboarding was always my first love, and she had a problem with always coming in second place. So, we fought. I left. And it was all over school the next week that Wyatt and Jess had hooked up at some party. And that was the end of it.”
“But it wasn’t really the end, was it?” I push.
It’s obvious there’s more between Jessica and Zane than what happened years ago when they were kids.
“What are you asking me?” he says.
He doesn’t look away. He’s standing his ground.
“Do you still hook up with her? Are you still sleeping with her?”
He sighs, his shoulders slumping momentarily, but he doesn’t drop our stare. “It has happened a few times over the years, randomly,” he confesses. “It was convenient. But it wasn’t a regular thing, and we weren’t together. It’s been well over a year since the last time.”
I nod, looking away as I try not to picture the two of them together. I’m jealous, though Zane and Jessica have nothing to do with me. But they have history that will always bind them together. And now, Jessica feels like I’m trampling all over her territory. Maybe she’s right.
Zane grasps my chin and brings my face back to his. “If I wanted to be with Jess, I would be with her.” His eyes search between both of mine. “No one tells me what to do. I choose to be right where I am. With you.”
