Page 39 of Your Soul Is Ours


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“Yeah, I took Jess for a haircut first, so we just got here.”

“Order it to go. We’ll figure it out, Marla. Breathe, baby.” I don’t know how he can be this calm. As I end the call and stub out my cigarette, I walk in to order and sit with Jess until he calls.

“I won’t be able to stay as long as I’d hoped. I have to go talk to detectives. There was a fire last night, I guess. My siblings didn’t make it.” She reaches out, rubbing her soft hand on my arm, tears well in my eyes, and my throat is thick.

“It’s alright Marla, I’ll see you in a couple of days. I’m so sorry for your loss. If you need me, just call.”

Our coffee arrives. I sip it slowly and look at her. “I’m worried they are going to think I did it. We weren’t on the best terms.”

We haven’t talked a lot about our past trauma. I don’t know why she is at the centre, and she doesn’t know a lot about me. We’ve spent more time just getting to know each other as we are now, leaning on each other in the centre and forming a friendship. Although she asked about my scars one day when my sleeve pulled up, I haven’t had to cut my skin in a while. I should take it as a sign of healing, but the wild desire I have for it scares me. The way I crave slicing my skin open again is becoming suffocating and I don’t know what to do anymore.

“I get it. When my dad died, everyone blamed me for his heart attack, like I could have controlled that. That the life I put him through must have added to the stress. It’s not the same as you, but I understand blame,” she says before she drinks half of her coffee.

“Everyone blamed me when my mom ended her life, like it was my fault that she didn’t like my boyfriend.” The corner of her mouth turns up in a pity smile and I hate those.

“We can’t save everyone. When someone decides to end their life, they have exhausted every option they could have. They have fought a battle we can’t see and succumbed to the injuries of life. The time and thought that goes into those final breaths isn’t something we will ever understand.” Her words are hauntingly beautiful, even though I know I ended my mother’s life. In reality, she would have never killed herself.

“I know we can’t. I just hope this goes well and I don’t end up in prison. I don’t think I’ll make it through that.”

Her laugh makes me giggle, but I stop when she leans in close. “If you need an alibi, you can always use my name. I’ll always be there for you.” She pulls away just as quickly and smiles at me,looking around until my phone buzzes to tell me that Sebastian is outside.

“Do you need a drive home?” she shakes her head no. As we stand from our chairs, she gives me the biggest hug and we walk out together before we part ways.

“My dove, let's go to the detectives so we can get home. How was your day?” he asks as I get into the car.

“Okay, they put up a new sign that we’re not supposed to talk anymore. Jess said I could use her for an alibi if I needed one, but where would that leave you?”

He is silent until we get about five minutes away. “Did they ask to speak with me?”

I think over the conversation with the detective. “No, just me.”

“I don’t know what would be better. If you think it would be better to use her, then I can call my boss and see if he can say I was working. I don’t know what you want to do here?”

While we’re parked at the station, I look down at my nails. “I just don’t want to go to prison. I don’t want them to look at us and think it was us because of what happened with my mother. God, and whenever they figure out that my aunt and uncle are missing.”

“Then use Jess. I’ll stay here when you go in and make a call.” I run my hands through my hair and decide what I’ll do. I get out of the car and close the door.

“Okay, I’ll be back. I love you, and I regret nothing.” I look back into the car before I walk away. His eyes darken, and he wets his lips.

“I know. I love you, Marla.”

Twenty-Five

Sebastian

As I watch her walk away, I think about that night. We wore gloves, and they shouldn’t have any sort of evidence tying us back there. Both of us have been there before in a friendly context. Everything looked like an accident except forthe batteries, but that could have been normal for a house. I know my father used to pull the smoke alarm batteries out for months on end because he couldn’t cook worth shit.

I don’t want to bother Mr. Sharp again today. Our meeting was fine, but I don’t want to fuck up a good thing. Instead I dial Steve, waiting for him to pick up. I tap my fingers on the steering wheel.

“What’s up?” he asks when he answers.

“Hey, I need a favour. I can work for free for a bit, or I can owe you.”

“Depends on what it is. Hurry up, I’m about to pick up for tonight’s drop.”

“I need an alibi for last night.” Exhaling, I wait for an answer. Nerves churn my stomach.

“Alright, you were with me last night. You owe me in the future.”

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