AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Since I haven’t answered, Miles is now sitting on the bed next to me. Slowly, he slides the list off my lap and looks at it. I let him take the notebook. It’s easier for him to read my crazy than for me to spill it all out.
After reading it, he sets it down, then pulls me close. “I understand why you’re making that list, but I think it’s neglecting the bigger issue. How would knowing make you feel? Whatever the outcome?”
I swallow hard, tears filling my eyes. “I don’t know.”
“Okay, let’s look at the list again.” He grabs it and goes through it, pointing as he does. “We can plan ahead without knowing. We can and should make living wills regardless. You can write letters to Emmie no matter what. There’s only so much preparing you can do. And yes, you’ll know. But will knowing hurt or help? Will it change the way you love me or Emmie? Will it change what you want out of life? The world could end tomorrow, Ames. We don’t know what will happen to us or how or when we’ll leave this planet, and believe me, if I think too much about that, it could easily send me into an anxiety spiral.”
“Then don’t,” I say quickly. I don’t want to think about things like that either.
“Will knowing positively change your life?” His voice has that gentleness to it that makes me feel completely understood.
I look down at the notebook again, then close my eyes. Slowly, I shake my head before resting it on his shoulder. “No. I don’t think it will. I’d rather live my life than worry about when I won’t be able to anymore.” I let out a long breath. “Knowing would make me focus on the wrong things. But then I wonder if not taking the test is irresponsible somehow. Like maybe you could prepare more—”
“I don’t care. I want to live every second I get with you. Frankly, I’d rather not know. This is one case for me where knowledge is not power. Especially because the results aren’t a guarantee. But it’s not my decision to make. It’s yours.”
“For so long, I thought it would help me, but the more I think about it, the more I think it might make me feel worse. I’m tired of it being a major focus. I want to let it go, but there’s a tiny part of me nagging that it’s the wrong decision.”
He takes the notebook from me and closes it, setting it aside. “So put it away for a few days, then come back to it. If you feel confident in your decision, then you can move forward. If you still feel uncertain, then we can enlist help with the decision—maybe a genetic counselor. Either way, we’ll handle it together.”
My lips pull into a half smile. “You’re smart.”
He shrugs, fighting back a smile. “I’ve always been the wise one.”
I smack his chest and he winks at me. Then he leans back against the pillows and pulls me close. “Everything okay with you?” I ask.
He rests his hand on my bump. I can’t believe it’s only a few more weeks until we get to meet Emmie. “Perfect. I’m always perfect like this. But Ma just called. She wants to have a family meeting about the Thanksgiving plan since it’s less than two weeks away now. She gets a little hyped about Thanksgiving.”
I frown and look down. “Oh… well, I always go to the nursing home for Thanksgiving. Family members can bring in food or order the meal there. I usually order the meal they’re serving since cooking a Thanksgiving dinner for one never sounded appealing. I don’t want to mess with your tradition, but it’s important to me to be with my mom on Thanksgiving.”
He kisses the side of my head. “Then that’s where we’ll be.”
“I don’t want you to miss out on Thanksgiving with your family.”
“When are you going to learn you are my family?” He rubs his hand across my bump. “The two of you are the most important people to me. As long as we’re together, that’s what matters.”
“What about your mom? She’s been so good to me. I don’t want to hurt her.”
“Trust me, she won’t be upset about this. In fact, I’ll call her right now.”
“You don’t have to…” But he already has his phone out. A moment later, we’re on speaker with Katie.
“Hey, Ma. I was just talking to Amelia about Thanksgiving plans.”
“Oh, good. How does two o’clock sound? Or should we plan on three?”
“Actually, Amelia was just telling me she usually spends Thanksgiving at the nursing home with her mom, so that’s where we’ll be.”
“I’m sorry,” I squeak.
“Oh, honey. No. Don’t apologize. I should’ve assumed you’d be with her.” She makes a hmm noise, then there’s tapping and I think the sound of paper. “Do they allow family to bring in food?”
“Uh, yeah. They have separate spaces set up for families who want to bring in their own food.”
“Is it still possible to set that up?” Katie asks.
Emotion hits hard, making my chest feel heavy. “You don’t have to.”
“Hush. I know I don’t have to. I want to. She’s family, too.”
