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She used to think of nothing else other than basketball. It had been the main reason she and Eliza had broken up: Shay had put basketball over Eliza. But then, she’d started talking to Layne, and she’d put her concerns for Layne over the sport. That had scared her so much that she’d pushed Layne away, but as she stared at Layne, wishing they were sitting next to each other, talking and joking about whatever was on their minds, Shay knew she would be okay. If tomorrow night was the last game of basketball she ever played but she got to be with Layne, she’d be okay.
Shay turned to look out the window and wondered how she could fix all of this. They still had games to worry about, but she missed Layne, and when the two of them were on the court and played well, the team won. She thought back to watching Layne sitting on the bench over the years whenever Shay was playing. There would be a break in the action, and Shay’s eyes would go to the coach first before they somehow always landed on Layne. Layne would either be smiling or would look contemplative, and Shay would wonder why she looked either way when she was the one riding the bench and hardly playing significant minutes, but now that she knew her, she understood that that was just Layne.
That was her Layne. She wasn’t on the team to make it to the next level. Layne worked hard and understood that even if she did, she still might not be the one on the court, and that was okay with her because she supported the team in other ways. Layne was kind, caring, and thoughtful, and she made Shay feel like there were way more important things in life than basketball.
When they got to the hotel, Coach gave them their keys and room numbers. They were told to be extra cautious because any positive test could mean they’d be ineligible for the whole tournament, so Shay took the stairs and noticed her entire team doing the same, making sure to leave extra space between each person. Shay unlocked her room door and dragged her suitcase in, tossing her duffle onto the floor next to it. Then, she heard another door beep behind her and turned to see that Layne was in the room opposite hers.
“Hey,” she said, stopping the heavy room door from closing on her.
“Hey,” Layne replied and pushed her suitcase inside before she turned around to face Shay, holding her own door open.
“Good flight?”
“Yeah, I guess. I slept.”
“I thought you couldn’t sleep on planes.”
“I usually can’t,” Layne said.
Shay’s face fell.
“I’m not sick, Shay,” Layne added, shaking her head. “I promise. Negative tests all around, and I feel fine. I just didn’t sleep well last night. I was nervous about today and, really, tomorrow, I guess.”
“You’re sure?” Shay checked.
“I have learned my lesson, you know?”
“Lesson?”
“I heard you,” Layne said in explanation before she looked around, found the doorstop attached to the door itself, and kicked at it after pushing the door back all the way so she wouldn’t have to hold on to it anymore. “Shay, when my dad got sick, I didn’t have anyone to talk to about how I felt. My mom had to work to take care of us. She did the best she could, but when he died, it wasn’t like we could afford to send me to a grief counselor or something. You know I don’t make friends easily. So, I was just alone with it, and I grew used to that. I had to figure out how to cope on my own. And I love my mother – I know she’s always there for me – but I still can’t talk to her about everything.”
“Why not?” Shay dropped the doorstop to her own door.
“Because if I did, she’d worry too much. I can’t do that to her.”
“Layne, you–”
“Just… hold on.” Layne held out her hand. “Shay, I’m worried about money all the time. My mom has none, and COVID hit her hard. It’s going to be touch and go for a while, so I have to prepare for her to need a place to live. I always have that in the back of my mind, that I might need to share my room or apartment with my mom until she can get back on her feet. I can’t share that with her. She’d feel guilty and bad, like she couldn’t take care of herself or me, and that’s not true. I worry about her getting sick again and it being worse this time. I worry that she’ll never find love again, even though my dad would want that for her, and that she’ll be alone forever. I don’t want that for her. I don’t think she does, either. All of these things are hard to share with her, for obvious reasons. I can talk to her about other things, but not everything, so when you and I met – and I mean really met – and we were talking, it was something I had to get used to.”
“Having someone to talk to about things?”
“The important things, yes,” Layne replied. Then, she looked down at the floor and sat. “I’ve never had anyone care about me how you did. My high school girlfriend was nice, but we were never in love or anything, and I never got far with the other women I dated at Dunbar. I was so close to graduating and having my dream internship, and there you were. You’d been there this whole time, but there you were, you know?”
Shay smiled softly and said, “Yeah, I do know.”
“So, when I got sick over the summer, I really didn’t know what to do. You’d told me you hated that we were that far apart and wanted me to stay with you when my mom got it. I was already taking care of everything, and I couldn’t talk to my mom about it because I wanted her to let me take care of her for once. I also couldn’t talk to you about it because I didn’t want to worry you, and maybe I messed up. I don’t know. I felt like I had to prioritize my mom, getting better myself, and trying to make some money while I could over everything else.”
“No, that was right. I was wrong.” Shay sat down just inside her door. “I’m sorry. I was wrong about that, and I understand now what happened back then. But when you got sick again, it hit me, Layne.”
“What did?”
“The same thing that hit you, I think. I was about to get a second chance at this thing, but I was more worried about you being sick, and I couldn’t focus. It was affecting my playing and had been all year. Even when you got back and you were struggling, I wasn’t focusing on my own game. I was worried about yours. Well, I was worried about you, and I’d never done that before. Maybe that makes me sound bad, but I’ve put basketball and this dream I have over everything in my life. I’ve let it harm my relationship with my parents because I didn’t think they understood what it meant to me to play. I let it get in the way with my sisters, too, because they all went one way and I went the other, so every time one of them told me I needed a backup plan, I let it pull me further and further away from them. Pandemic or not, I haven’t seen two of my three sisters in three years. And the other one, I saw during fall break of my first senior year, but that’s it. We have our sister group chat, but I can’t really relate to the things they put in there, and they can’t relate to the things I do because they’re usually all basketball-related. Even the sister who used to play softball in college doesn’t get it anymore. She pivoted to her backup plan, and now, it’s like she doesn’t even remember what it’s like to play a sport. I was so close to where we are right now, and all I could think about was you in your room alone because I couldn’t take care of you. I wanted to quit the team and go to you.”
“What?”
Shay shrugged and said, “I thought about it: just telling Coach I was done, because I wouldn’t have to follow all the rules, and be there with you to make sure you were okay.”
“Shay, I didn’t want that. I–”
