Page 32 of The Sun to Me

Or was this a healthy way to help himself? He could’ve brought someone home and had a one-night stand. Instead, he was masturbating in his shower. Wasn’t that a better option? No one would even have to know. Haize would never know he was fantasizing about her. He was sexually frustrated on top of everything else, and he held onto himself, enjoying the soap suds against his taut skin.

The shower wasn’t doing anything, and he was still hard and ready. Padding to the bed, he ground his hips into the pillow, wishing it felt real. Warm skin, wet and ready female arousal taking every inch he had to offer. He closed his eyes and let out a deep moan, his hand finding his shaft and holding it tight again.

Finally, he finished on the sheet, groaning as he came, closing his eyes and imagining he was shooting his seed inside Haize. Damn it, this wasn’t good. How could he be thinking this way about his sponsor? She was there to help him. To keep him from relapsing. And here he was, shooting come all over his bed as he imagined her naked body below him.

He was in trouble. There was no denying the attraction he felt toward her.

“Son of a…” Out of breath, he cleaned up and lay back on the bed, trying to think about anything other than Haize. It was impossible.

Haize laid back in the bathtub, allowing the warm water to wash over her bare skin. Her hand skimmed down her thighs and back up, where she stroked herself, inserting two fingers deep inside. Hips bucking, she moaned as her thumb circled her clit, and she pretended Mikey was there, head between her legs, lapping at her intimate parts.

Sex had been hard for her after the trauma she had been through, but when it was with the right man, she knew she could enjoy it. Tonight, she lay in the tub alone, rubbing herself, pretending it was him. He was probably good at it – he likely knew how to pleasure a woman since he admitted to her he had been promiscuous in the past.

She felt guilty. It was wrong to imagine this about a man she was helping. But sexual desire overtook any bad feeling, and she turned the faucet on, running warm water between her thighs, moaning, and closing her eyes as pleasure coursed through her. The drops of water hit her clit and she groped her breast tight.

In the drawer of her nightstand, there was a toy, and she pulled herself from the soapy water and got it out. The buzz was strong, and she slid it inside, pulsing it against her walls, legs spread as far as she could get them. She said his name a few times, but it felt silly. All of this was strange, but her desire wouldn’t stop until she did something about it. Playing with herself would keep her out of trouble.

Her other hand cupped her breast and fingered her nipple. Her hands weren’t calloused like Mikey’s, and she imagined his rough palms on her soft skin. The pain and pleasure were worth it, and she wondered how big he was. She was willing to bet he was well-endowed, and she longed for the sex toy to be him. Closing her eyes, she moaned and probed it in and out, back arching until the dildo brought her to orgasm.

Lying in her bed alone made her realize how lonely she was, and how much she wanted him. But she couldn’t have him. He wasn’t her client, but he had asked for her help, and sex would mess it all up.

Sometimes forbidden fruit tasted the sweetest, but she’d never know his flavor. She’d never have that chance, and it made her sad. He’d never know she had just masturbated with him in mind. It’d always be her secret to keep. Forbidden or not, Mikey would never be hers. She’d help him as much as he needed, and she’d push any attraction away. She was a professional first. Everything else would have to be shoved aside and ignored forever.

Was it possible? She would know soon.

Michael couldn’t focus at work the next day – there were far too many things on his mind. Most importantly, he was still waiting on word about the paternity test. It was taking longer than the few days the clinic had quoted him, and he was starting to wonder if he needed to call them to see if they just hadn’t gotten around to notifying him.

He cleaned the shop and mopped up some spills and had small talk with the mechanics. Along with his worry about Jace, he thought about Haize. He couldn’t get her off his mind, and that was dangerous. He couldn’t allow himself to daydream about her. In the past, it meant doing anything he could to get the woman in bed with him, and once he got what he wanted, he’d kick them to the curb. There was only one other woman who held a spell over him, and that was Marilyn, who he’d never consider being with again.

And now Haize was captivating him, making him dream up fantasies he longed to experience with her. But she was forbidden – a woman who would only ever be a fantasy and nothing else. Just the thoughts made him aroused, and he downed a whole bottle of cold water to get his physical response in check.

His phone buzzed in his pocket and his heart skipped a beat when he saw the clinic’s phone number flash on his screen. The receptionist notified him that the results were in and that he could come by before five o’clock to get them. She denied him when he asked over the phone, stating confidentiality laws prohibited her from releasing it in that manner.

He feared he’d run into Marilyn when he got there, but she was nowhere in sight as he approached the front desk. The receptionist asked for his ID and handed him an envelope with his name printed on the front.

Waiting until he was back outside, he ripped it open and flipped to the first page, revealing that Jace was his child. He was the father, and the blood test had proven it. Leaning against the brick wall, he read the results three more times before it hit him blindside. It was official – he was a father.

Holy shit. He was a father. Jace was his, and he was now responsible for a human being. A human being that Marilyn was trying hard to keep away from him. Instead of giving her what she wanted and just signing his rights away, he was going to fight. Or maybe fighting for him wasn’t a good thing. He didn’t know a damn thing about being a father. But he also didn’t want Marilyn and her husband doing the parenting, either. The poor kid was screwed – how could one child have a horrible mother and father?

Glancing at his watch, he climbed into the pickup and went to his parole office appointment, glad he noticed the time before he missed it. Arriving three minutes early, he signed in and was immediately called back to Rosie’s office. She was typing on her computer and motioned for him to step inside.

“Pee in that, please.” She pointed to the plastic cup sitting on her desk.

“Sure.” Michael grabbed it and started out the door again.

“Right here. I need to make sure you’re not using someone else’s urine.”

“Right here?” Michael forced a smile, hoping she was kidding.

“This isn’t your first piss in a cup. I always make sure you’re not trying to pull a fast one on me.”

“But it was at my house. Where I could hide behind something.”

Rosie arched her eyebrow. “Turn around. I won’t look.”

There had to be some law against a woman watching a man urinate in a cup, but Michael was too mentally exhausted to pursue it. He turned to face the corner, away from the open door and where she was sitting. He had drunk the water at the shop, and it had helped the need to go, and he filled it almost to the top before his kidneys were empty.

Sliding it on the desk, he said, “Can I go wash my hands?”

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