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“But I am.”
“What does that have to do with me?” Mitch’s words slurred and Michael could tell he was far beyond being buzzed.
“Nothing. Never mind.” He’d never get it. Until he hit rock bottom like Michael had, there was no explaining it to him.
Mitch stood up and tossed the bottle into the trash, heading straight to the refrigerator to grab another one, passing so close to Michael that he could feel and smell his breath and body odor. “No. Enlighten me there, Mikey.”
“It doesn’t matter.”
“You’re getting awfully bold for a man who is depending on me for a place to live.” Mitch patted his chest as he twisted the top off the bottle and flicked it across the room, where it rested across the kitchen floor.
“How am I getting bold?”
“You’re fucking her, aren’t you?” Mitch laughed and drank half the beer in one gulp. “What else would you be doing when you are out all night? That’s low, Mikey. Fucking your sponsor. Fucking a woman who is trying to help you. You haven’t changed. You just wanna act better than me because you stayed clean while you were locked up. Anyone can do that.”
Michael shook his head, trying hard to stay calm. He had to remind himself that Mitch became a totally different person when he got drunk. “Take your shots at me, Mitch. It’s fine. Say what you need to say to make me feel bad about myself.”
“You’re not even gonna deny it?”
“Deny what?”
“That you found your way into her pants. You’re using her just like every woman you’ve ever been with, Mikey. She seems good. She’s wholesome. And here you come into her life and rock her world. I’m good with that – you’ve never been able to resist sex but stop acting like you’ve changed and you’re better than me.”
Michael didn’t want to justify his actions with Haize, at least not until Mitch was sober. “Think what you want, Mitch. I don’t think I’m better than you. I never have. And I’m glad you’re giving me a place to stay. If it wasn’t for that, my ass would be in a halfway house, and I’d have already gotten sent back.”
“Oh, c’mon man! Get mad at me! You know I could tell your parole officer you didn’t come home the other night. Aren’t you supposed to be here every night? What would you have done if she had randomly stopped by, and you weren’t here?”
Michael balled his fists and his face heated up. Mitch could easily screw up his parole. “Why would you do that to me, Mitch?”
“To prove to you that you’re no better than me. You’re no better than Mom, and you won’t even go see her. She’s just in the town next to us. One time since you’ve been out, and it didn’t go well. She gave you life, man.”
“You know damn well why I have a problem with Mom. And it’s not because I’m better. It’s because I’m trying to be better. Being around her triggers me, and we don’t have to go into why that happens. You were there. You saw it all. Don’t act like I can just turn it off and on like a damn light switch.”
“Oh, poor Mikey… molested and raped by a man who gave you drugs and money. That was years ago. I bet you liked it, seeing as how you’re addicted to sex and all. You wanted those drugs. You wanted that money. You could’ve stopped it on your own.”
“Don’t say that,” Michael whispered. The words felt like a punch in the gut, and he tried his best to keep his anger in check. “You don’t mean it, Mitch. You saw it. You know how bad it was.”
“Maybe so.”
Michael couldn’t believe this was being discussed. Alcohol was truth serum. Maybe Mitch had always felt this way and it was now coming out into the open. “I can’t do this right now, Mitch.” He looked at his watch. “I gotta get to a meeting.”
“And what’s up with that? You hated going to the required meetings, and now you’re going to all of them? Nightly?”
“I can’t be here with this. I gotta talk to someone.” He walked toward the door and felt Mitch’s hand on his.
“I guess her pussy is that good, huh? To risk your parole by not coming home. To go to nightly meetings when you can’t stand them. I hope she fucks really good.”
“Leave Haize out of this, Mitch. I’m going tonight because you’ve triggered me, and I can’t be around you. Sober up and then we’ll talk. Until then, I have nothing to say to you.”
Mitch laughed and threw the bottle toward Michael, missing him by a few feet. “Make sure you come home tonight, or I’ll get that parole officer on the phone and report your ass. You know I’ll do it. I guess if you want to get into Haize’s pants tonight, you’ll have to bring her here so she can see how you’re living. With a deadbeat drunk-ass brother in a rundown trailer house. What will she think of her golden boy then, huh?”
Michael opened his mouth to respond but thought it was best to just leave it alone. He had to get out of there before he did something he regretted – it teetered on downing a beer or beating the shit out of his brother, and both would land him right back in jail and away from the one woman he couldn’t stop thinking about.
Michael arrived at the church right on time and sat in his usual spot toward the back of the church. He normally went for some coffee, and occasionally a dessert, but he passed the table up completely and sat down, arms folded across his chest, hat bill pulled low much like the first night he had attended.
Haize tried not to make it too obvious, and when she walked by, she nodded her head. He subtly returned the gesture, but there was no light behind his eyes. He wasn’t the Michael she had shared her bed with.
Was it something she had done? She thought back to the past few days. Mind-blowing sex, amazing conversation, and time to get to know each other. It was always clouded by the fear that what they were doing was wrong, but it hadn’t slowed them down. It had gotten better, and she was still stuck on the idea that she didn’t shut down with him. He put his hands on her and she wanted it. Always so gentle, so caring to her needs, never forcing her to do anything she wasn’t ready for.
