AllFreeNovel
Share Us
Jax would have had the entire weekend to get her out of his system. As it stood now, he’d only gotten a taste and he wanted more. Plus, there was the whole mistaken identity thing that still burned. He wasn’t just attracted to her; a part of him wanted to prove that he wasn’t the second-choice brother. And not just to her, but to himself.
Which was the only logical reason he could come up with for why, instead of walking the other way like he should have, he somehow managed to walk straight into her arms—where they hugged it out. Now, he was practically spooning her while fantasizing about what kind of thong she had on under that snowsuit.
In high school, Jax used to give lessons after class to make some extra cash, so this wasn’t uncharted territory. But never once, in the thousands of lessons he’d taught, had he started with his hands all over the student.
“If holding hands will make you feel better,” he said, ignoring how difficult that was going to be. He didn’t have a board or the right boots or even a ski jacket. He was in jeans and a sweatshirt, both of which were covered with glitter. After his playdate with Emma, he’d been headed back to his room, not out for a ski date. But Jax had made a career out of changing direction on a dime. Only this particular dime had his mind going every which way.
He placed her hands on her hips, trapping them beneath his own.
“I’m going to move you forward, so you get used to the feel of the snow beneath your board,” he said, giving a little squeeze of reassurance when her whole body went rigid.
“I swear I’m not a ’fraidy cat,” she said on a self-conscious laugh. Her fingers were digging into her hips, her gaze lasered in on her boots. “This is just more of a Zoe thing. I didn’t have to worry about any ski lifts in Manhattan.”
Her statement gave him pause. “You gave up your job and life in New York to take care of your sister?”
“She’s my sister,” she said, as if everyone would make the same sacrifices as she.
“And she was lucky to have you. You put her before your own needs and dreams, which is damn inspiring. But then you invented a boyfriend to make your parents happy. You’re up on a mountain in an outfit you clearly wouldn’t pick, even if it was the only clean thing in your closet, just to make Zoe happy. Now, you’re about to spend your day doing something to make someone else happy. What would make you happy? What would be your thing to do on a snowy day?”
She twisted her upper body toward him. “I think that’s the problem,” she said honestly. “I don’t know what makes me happy anymore. The things I used to want seem silly now and the things that used to be important seem trivial. Before Zoe’s cancer I had this very clear map of where my life was going. I had a job I liked, a promotion right around the corner, a fiancé I loved, an apartment that was the size of a cereal box, but it was mine. I was living my big-city dream.”
“You make it sound like you can’t go back.”
She shrugged. “I can. I mean, I want to. But what if it doesn’t feel the same? What if when I get there I still feel as lost as I do now?”
“I can’t even imagine the pain of losing a sibling, but I know how life-altering loss can be. When Lucas and I were kids, my dad committed suicide. My mom came home from work to find him in his recliner, the Niners playing on the television, and a gun on the floor.”
“Oh my god.” She touched his jaw. “That must have been awful for her. I can’t even imagine the shock and heartache.”
“I don’t remember a lot from before the suicide, but I do remember my mom had this bright, contagious laugh that would fill the house. Her laugh died with my dad. It was as if all the light had been extinguished.” Looking at photos of his mom when they’d been kids was like looking at a stranger.
“That’s what I’m afraid will happen to my parents. Even though we had time to prepare, Zoe’s death shattered them. My mom went into a deep depression, my dad had a heart attack. For Gemma, who’d lost a baby, it reopened old wounds. And Kat lost her best friend.”
Milly was so busy holding everyone else together it was as if she hadn’t given herself permission to mourn. “You’re allowed to reclaim your life and chase those dreams again.”
She blinked several times as if what he’d said didn’t compute. “Then who will pick up all the other pieces?” she asked as if she honestly didn’t know. How isolating it must be to assume responsibility for everything and everyone in her life.
Was this how Lucas felt? Like it was up to him to shoulder all the burden for the entire family? Maybe, just like Milly, Lucas had found himself trapped between what he wanted and the needs of others.
“How about for today, you let me carry the pieces,” he offered.
“I have a lot of pieces. We’re talking a fleet of suitcases.”
He held his arms out to his sides. “I’ve got big arms.”
A smile broke through that was so genuine it had something shifting in his chest. “So, you’re saying that if I fall, you’d catch me?”
Before he could answer she pulled him to a secluded area off the ski path and knocked him back in the snow and fell on top of him. He broke their fall, rolling her to the side. She flipped on her back and started moving her arms and legs.
“What are you doing?” he asked.
“You asked me what I would do on a snowy day. I’d make snow angels.” She made a snowball and pegged him in the shoulder. “Come on. Get those big arms moving!”
Jax did as he was told and by the time they’d made a circle of angels, Jax’s clothes were soaked straight through, his ass was frozen, and they were both laughing. Damn, it felt good. All of the frustration and stress from the past few days vanished.
“Way better than breaking the speed of light on a one-legged sleigh,” she said.
Jax rolled his head to the side and was met with bright, sparkling eyes and a set of dimples that turned him on. He’d never noticed a woman’s dimples, unless they were on her lower back, but there was something about this woman and those dimples that did him in.
