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“Yeah.”
Milly made strokes with her nails, starting at the base of his neck and going up to the crown of his head. Beneath her hands she felt him relax slightly.
“What would you do?” he asked.
“I think that having all of the information before making a big decision is best.”
He leaned his head back and gazed into her eyes. “Even if you knew that it would piss off Zoe?”
Milly cupped his jaw. “All you can do is present your idea, what the Carmichaels or Lucas does with that is on them.”
“Being one of the Carmichaels without Lucas on my side is new and I don’t know how to navigate it.”
“I know the feeling,” she said softly. “Did the Carmichaels adopt you?”
“In every way that mattered. My mom refused to give up custody. Lucas said it was because she wanted the tax write-off, but I always thought it was because she loved us too much to give up entirely. She isn’t a bad person; she’s sick, and that sickness made her a bad mom.”
How many times had he said those exact words to himself? How many times did a young Jax stay up worried that maybe he’d gotten it wrong and she didn’t love them?
“When she comes around, I give her money to get back on her feet, to get in rehab. Whatever support she needs. It drives Lucas nuts, which is why, last year, when she’d reached back out, Lucas intercepted the call and met with her behind my back. She needed help and he made the unilateral decision to send her packing.”
She could only imagine how much that must have crushed a man like Jax, who was so terrified of love, he’d rather walk away than run the risk of getting hurt. Even when it came to his twin. A fact that she needed to remember.
“Do you think maybe he was protecting you?”
He lifted a broad shoulder. “His why doesn’t matter. If he doesn’t want a relationship with her, fine. But he made my decision for me.”
“Love makes us do pretty crazy things sometimes,” she said, a sliver of guilt making its way through her chest. “I never told you why I’m dragging my heels on deciding what I want to do or where I want to go.”
He straightened, causing her hand to fall from his neck. “I thought it was to sort out your sister’s affairs.”
“That’s part of it.” He took her hand and that’s when she realized they were trembling. “Losing Zoe made me realize I really need to re-evaluate the things in my life and what I really want. And I need to make the right choices so my parents don’t worry. The last thing I need is for my dad to have another heart attack. I can’t lose him too.”
They sat there, their hearts, their fears and all their emotions raw and heavy in the air. Milly could see the exhaustion and vulnerability in his eyes and before she knew what she was doing she stood, tugging him up with her.
She laced their fingers and started toward her bedroom.
“Where are we going?”
“To bed.”
“Angel, there is nothing I want more than to take you to bed and spend all night making you smile. But I made a promise to you. No sex. And even though it will likely kill me,” he stopped, slowly pulling her against him until her back was plastered to his front—until she could feel what was killing him pressed firmly against her bottom. “I won’t break that promise.”
She looked over her shoulder, bringing her lips within kissing distance. Right before their lips touched she whispered, “Don’t worry, there won’t be any promises broken tonight. I just figured that we could both use a little cuddle therapy.”
He chuckled. “You’re asking me to cuddle?”
“As soon as you feel my cuddling prowess, you’ll be asking me.”
Chapter Fifteen
Take Life by the Balls
Say yes to the dress.
“I want you.”
Milly’s towel dropped to the ground as she pressed her phone firmly against her ear to make sure she was hearing her old boss correctly. “But you already filled my position.” A position she’d loved. A position that was supposed to be a stepping stone to the next chapter in her life.
