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“I know it seems rushed, but my what’s next has been on my mind since Zoe’s funeral and staying here, building a life here, is what makes the most sense,” she said, and it was the truth. Looking back, she’d been making this decision slowly—one step at a time. One adventure at a time.
Gemma’s expression stated that she thought Milly’s next step was in the wrong direction. “So you’re going to burrow here in Zoe’s things.”
“No. I’m not staying because of what I’ve lost. I’m staying because of what I’ve found. This is where I want to be. This is where I belong.”
Kat raised a brow. “And?”
“And yes, maybe it has something to do with Jax.”
“I thought that was all pretend,” Gemma said.
“Geez, Debbie Downer,” Kat said to Gemma. “Let the girl have some fun.”
“I’m okay with fun.” Gemma took Milly’s hand. “More than anything I want you to have some fun. If anyone deserves it, it’s you. I just don’t want you to make a huge decision based on something that started out as a ruse.” Gemma’s expression was filled with so much concern Milly began to waffle a little. “Is this still a ruse?”
“No,” Milly whispered. “Not to me it isn’t.”
“What about Jax?” Kat asked.
Milly shrugged. “I guess I’ll find out when I tell him I’m staying in Sierra Vista.”
Chapter Twenty-Three
Take Life by the Balls
Put it all on the line.
Jax wasn’t all that familiar with strings, but over the past month he’d created enough strings to tear him in four different directions.
It was as if he were being emotionally drawn and quartered.
He had his career, his family, the lodge, and now Milly—a rope noosed at every limb—and he was about to snap.
Christ, how had things gotten so out of hand so quickly?
He stood at the bar, with a beer in hand, watching the Carmichael and Smartt families mingle as images from Peggy’s birthday rewound in his head like a dream in reverse. The way Milly had so seamlessly slid into the family fold had a done a number on him.
He took a long pull of IPA and tried his best to reconcile this happy-family moment with the regret knotting in his gut. Every time he breathed it felt like he had a chest full of crushed glass. In a month, Milly was able to find her spot in a way it had taken Jax decades to accomplish—and he still struggled with his role in the Carmichael clan.
He was a bit of a triangle in a square hole—he fit, but half the space was vacant. With Milly that vacancy had been filled with her laughter and support and understanding. And the thought of losing that was already too much to bear. He couldn’t imagine what it would feel like a year from now when things ended. Because they would end—as soon as she figured out that the guy she thought she knew wasn’t him.
Jax wasn’t some suit wearing, recovered bachelor, who knew how to stick. He was more like Cindy than he’d like to admit. Where she’d disappeared into a bottle, Jax vanished into his career. It was the downside of the job. But a necessity to win. And Jax liked to win.
Shit, was that what this was about? Winning Milly over to prove he was better than his brother? Even as he thought it, he rejected the idea. But that had sure as hell been a part of the motivation in the beginning. And what kind of guy sets out to prove he’s the better twin? A guy who doesn’t deserve a woman like Milly.
He had no idea she had been seriously considering moving to Sierra Vista. Why would she give up that big life waiting for her back in New York?
His eyes immediately tracked to her. She was talking with Peggy, Gennie, and Brynn in this family moment straight out of a Norman Rockwell painting, as if this was something that happened every weekend.
It did happen every weekend, you idiot. He just wasn’t around enough to take part. Give it another season or two and things would be different. But until then?
Until then he’d be busting his balls to finish what he started when he decided to pro, while pulling as much weight as he could with the family business. That didn’t leave the kind of time for a relationship. Just like that Norman Rockwell painting, this wasn’t the real deal, and it was time Jax started to remember that.
He knew what he had to do and, damn if that wasn’t a sucker punch to the gut.
Setting his beer on the bar, Jax wove through the crowd, his feet getting heavier with each step. By the time he reached Milly it felt like he was wearing brick shoes.
“Hey,” she said with a giant smile when he approached. Then, as if they were the couple of the hour, she rose on her toes and kissed him. He should have pulled back, but he couldn’t. He wanted to taste her one last time.
