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“Don’t put your guilt on me, either.” I swallow hard and brandish what’s left of the croissant at her. “I know that you were only helping him because you still give shits about me, okay. I said it’s fine. Drop it.”
Silence stretches uncomfortably between us. Even after we broke up, communication wasn’t something that was hard for us. Jodie’s always been a person that I can talk to. But rightnow… it’s different in a way that I don’t know how to put into words.
“Are you…” Jodie swallows and refuses to make eye contact with me. “Are you okay? I don’t… I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now… and then everybody pushing you on top of that…” she shakes her head and I reach across the table to squeeze her hand.
I’m not ready to talk about it yet. My mother isn’t a subject that I’m willing to broach. At least I know that Jodie will respect that choice. The only person that I want to talk about it with is Alexei, but as he’s developed emotional constipation, I have no idea when that’s going to happen.
“No… but I will be.” I smile tightly and let her go. I take a deep drink of my coffee to compose myself before speaking. Out of habit, I glance over my shoulder to make sure that the guards that Alexei has doubled aren’t standing in the same room as us before I speak. I know that they are an unavoidable annoyance, but I don't need Alexei to find out what I’m about to tell Jodie. “I know my brother means well too. You all do… but I just…” I sigh. “I needed a night to remind myself of who I am… that I’m capable of handling whatever I need to. That I can do something good and that I have… that I’m still in control.”
Jodie’s brow pinches. “What do you mean?”
“I’m sure that you think it’s stupid, but after what happened in Spain, I just needed to replace the last memory of somebody’s hands on me with something better.” I admit softly.
It’s not until I see the look on Jodie’s face that I realize the mistake that I just accidentally made.
“What happened in Spain?”
I shift uncomfortably and shrug one shoulder dismissively. “It’s nothing.”
“Katerina, tell me right now what the fuck happened in Spain.”
Damn. I hate when she uses that tone on me.
My lips purse and I suck on my teeth for a moment. I choose to let her tone slip for just this one time without allowing myself to be offended. “You know that guy that I’ve been traveling with?” She nods. “Well, I think that he might have been, well, he must have been involved in all of this somehow.”
I brush my hair back away from my shoulders to reveal my neck and the faint bruising that I’ve been so careful to hide until now.
Jodie gasps and rushes to my side of the table to examine the wound. She pokes at it with gentle fingers, but it still stings. I’m honestly a little surprised that it’s not worse given that I invited my stranger’s hand around my neck in a whole other capacity last night as well. I just needed to replace the feeling of bad with something good. And it had been.Damngood.
“I just wanted to be around people I love, that love me… and to feelgoodagain. Then everything with Marci happened and I got carried away…”
When Jodie decides that I’m not at continued risk from the bruising around my neck she sinks heavily into the chair right next to me. “You do have a bad habit of getting carried away, yes.” she admits defeatedly. I don’t want to look at the pain in her eyes. I don’t want her pity. That’s not why I’m telling her. “You need to tell your brother what happened.”
“No.” I whip my head at her, ignoring the bark of pain that shoots up the back of my head from the sudden action. I should take something for that. I can’t be waddling around all day. I have stuff to do. “And you aren’t going to tell him shit either.”
“He can help you. I know… with everything that’s happening you don’t want to make it worse but… shit, he needs to know that there are people hunting you too.”
She means well, but it’s not going to change anything. The walls around me already feel like prison bars. If he knows that an attempt has been made on my life, he’s going to add more locks to my metaphorical prison and throw away the key. I can’t live like that.
“Given who I am, there will always be people hunting me, Jodie. That’s just the hazards of being a Levine. I’m used to it. He just… caught me by surprise. Believe me when I say that I made him pay for it.”
Jodie snorted a laugh. “Oh, I don’t doubt that for a second.”
“You can’t tell him either, Jodie, I’m trusting you here. I mean it.” I say seriously.
Jodie dips her head into a nod before taking my hand in hers. “I won't… but I really think he needs to know.” she sighs and pushes her hands through her short hair. “Tell you what, why don’t we do something as a group? Will that help keep your mind off of things? We can do it for old time’s sake. You can invite Marci and I’ll bring my girlfriend so you can meet her. We can make a whole night of it. We will drink and talk shit and I dunno… do face masks or something while we eat way more carbs than I should ever allow myself to eat. Safe, secure, here - like a coming home party. What do you think?”
I think it sounds absolutely perfect.
“I think a girl’s night is exactly what I need.” I smile back at her, already letting my party planning wheels start turning in my mind. Alexei made it perfectly clear yesterday that I was not allowed off of the compound until further notice. He said that he has to finish locking down his part of the city and having me as a moving piece was putting the family too much at risk. I know he’s right about these things, but it’s being cooped up and alone that’s going to make me go crazy. I don’t want to wallow, I want my people around me.
I will never admit that Alexei’s overprotectiveness might be even the slightest bit rational… but this is a work around I can get behind.
Jodie grins before ruffling my hair. “Don’t worry about a thing. I’ll take care of all of it. You just sit here and rest.”
She winks at me as she walks backward out of the apartment.
Guess all that’s left for me to do is get ready.
