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“I think that I’d hate it too,” I admit, and he nods.
“Same. I still don’t think that I’d be as bad as him, though. I mean, he tried to help me fix his car this afternoon. I had to physically hold him back from crawling under the hood.”
I laugh at the image of Mr. Miller in his cast trying to fix his car while Foster and Ford tried to hold him back. Both brothers got their work ethic from him, that’s for sure.
I smile, and then we just stare at each other for a minute. That awkwardness that I was telling Cameron about hangs heavy between us, and I swallow, wishing that I hadn’t messed things up. I wish that we could go back to the way things were between us.
“I’m sorry,” I blurt when the tension becomes too much.
“For what?” he asks with a frown.
“For messing things up. Can we just go back to the way things were before… the other night,” I finish.
I don’t have it in me to say before we slept together. The truth is that I know that I won’t be able to forget about our night together.
I know that I’m taking the coward’s way out. I should just finally admit to my best friend that I’ve always loved him and wanted to be with him. I can’t though. I need Foster in my life, and I don’t want to make things awkward between us or to lose him. If I can only have him as my best friend, then that will have to be enough.
He doesn’t answer me, and my stomach and heart both drop.
This is it. I’ve messed everything up, and now I’m about to lose my best friend forever.
I can feel tears starting to sting the back of my eyes, and I swallow hard, trying to force them back.
“Can we both just forget that it ever happened? Please?” I whisper.
ELEVEN
Foster
Just forgetthat it ever happened?
No fucking chance. That night has been burned into my brain. I’ve been replaying it every chance I can. All that has been keeping me going these last few days has been the thought that we would do it again.
“No, we can’t just forget. Or I can’t anyway,” I tell her truthfully.
She looks stricken at my words, and my stomach starts to churn with doubts. It’s clear that she regrets our night together.
I had thought that we were finally on the same page, that we were going to move to the next level. I guess I was wrong about that, and now everything is messed up between us.
I debate for a second what to do. Should I try to let what could have been between us go? Or should I man up and finally tell her how I feel about her, how I’ve always felt about her?
“Lilliana, Snow,” I start, and she blinks those green eyes up at me. “I don’t want to forget our night together. I want to do it again, but if you don’t, then we can try to go back to being just friends. We’ll forget about the marriage pact and the other night. We’ll just be friends,” I tell her, trying not to show my disappointment.
She looks shocked, her eyes wide and her mouth hanging open slightly.
“The truth is that I don’t want to though. I love you, Lilliana. I have since we were little kids. I’ve always wanted you; I just didn’t know how to tell you that when we were younger.”
“You have?” She asks quietly, and I nod.
“Yeah, I have. I tried to tell you once before you left for college,” I tell her, moving closer to her.
“When?” She asks.
“Remember that party we went to right before you left for college?” I ask, and she nods. “We were sitting on the porch swing in the backyard, and I thought that we were about to kiss, but then you?—”
“You pulled back,” she says, surprising me.
“Wait,Ipulled back?” I ask her, and she nods.
