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The lights grow brighter as we chant. I dig my hands into the mud, pushing my pleas into the earth. I pour everything into the ground as my pack does the same with me.
The ground bleeds with us, pouring out its condolences, and when I look up, I see him shining so brightly, my eyes water. A bell tolls, and we all stop. The silence is loud, our hearts thrumming as one as I lift my head to see the tapestry melt to the stone.
Jang is gone.
The first time I saw this, I was shocked and had so many questions, but now I am thankful, for it means he has been accepted in the beyond with our goddess. I weep happy tears. “Thank you, goddess,” I whisper. “Keep him safe for me, until I may join you again.”
There is a brush of feathers across my skin.Rest, wolf, I have him.The words are whispered, and I shudder from their power.
No one else hears them. I have only heard the goddess two times in my whole life, but you do not forget the feeling. I know it is her. She protects our pack, and for some reason, she seems to talk through me, using me for healing and change.
The first time I heard her was the night my family died. She cried with me.
The second was when Jang announced he was training me for alpha. She was proud.
Now, I hear her grieve with me once more as the howls of my pack start up—a mourning howl, a song of love and loss.
I join in, my voice telling Jang and the goddess everything I cannot speak.
Some might see the celebration after a moon ceremony as morbid or wrong, but it is the opposite. We have grieved their loss, so now we celebrate their life. Stories are shared over campfires, food is given to help absorb the pain, and drinks flow to staunch our tears.
It is the way of our people, and the way Jang would want it.
I sit in the middle of it all, my hands warming my beer as I look around. So many were lost or injured in the battle. I didn’t even get time to heal many today, but the scar the hunters left will remain for a long time.
I cannot bring them back, I cannot change what happened, but I can change how this ends. My need for revenge must be put aside. Jang is gone, and nothing can bring him back.
It fucking hurts.
I have a whole pack to think about, and I finally understand what Jang meant. The pack comes first, always, even over my own emotions. I must take care of them. I might not be alpha forever, but I am for right now. They need a leader, someone they trust, and despite my mistakes, it’s clear they still look to me for answers, which means I need them.
I cannot let another battle occur like that one. We won’t survive it.
I underestimated the hunters, but it will not happen again.
“You are thinking awfully hard,” Vale murmurs.
I glance over at him where he sits on the log next to me. Jai is leaning back between my legs, far too comfortable, and Lucien is to my left. They never really leave my side, and I should hate that. I like my alone time, after all, but something about them being here to lean on makes my wolf and me happy.
I always thought I had to do this alone, but maybe I was wrong.
“Just thinking about the future and everything I need to do to keep these people safe,” I admit.
“It will still be there tomorrow. Being a leader means being able to switch off when you need to,” he murmurs. “Tomorrow will come all too soon anyway, so stop begging for it to come faster. Just enjoy tonight and this moment. Centre yourself in it. Right now, they don’t need an alpha. They just need you to feel this with them.”
I meet his searching eyes and look out at the crowd, knowing he’s right. I was so lost in my worries and plans, I didn’t see the children looking to me for how to act and the betas checking in on me rather than relaxing. Every wolf is looking at me, their alpha, and I’m sitting here as stiff as a board.
Sighing, I rub at my face and lean into Lucien as I sip some of my drink. “You’re right.” I nod before I down the rest. “Let’s mingle.”
For the next hour, I sit with different parts of the pack, listening to heartfelt stories of my father. He was a phenomenal man, and he has left some big shoes to fill.
I will never be the alpha that he was, no one ever could be, but every day they give me a chance, I will strive to be the best I can be.
CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE
Imight have gotten a little tipsy last night, and the guys might have had to help me into bed, but luckily, alcohol burns quickly through our system. It takes a lot to get drunk, never mind stay drunk. So before the sun rises, I’m up and dressed. I leave the guys sleeping as I slip out and head towards the pack.
I have a lot to do.
