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My vision fills with dots, blackening at the edges as I sob and scream.
Marie drops to her knees before me, her hands cupping my cheeks. “I know, my daughter. I know. It’s so dark, empty, and painful that you think it would be easier to give in, but don’t you fucking dare. He wouldn’t want that. He would hate that. You have to be strong. You owe that to him, as well as your other mates. They need you. We need you.”
“It hurts.” I whimper.
Tears flow down her cheeks as her lips tremble. I blink my wet lashes, trying to bring her into view, but everything is wrong. “I know, baby. I know. Let it hurt. Let it hurt.”
“Mummy,” I sob. “Make it stop.”
She covers her mouth for a moment. “I wish I could, baby. I wish I could. It’s not fair that you didn’t get any time with him and I got a lifetime. I wish I could, baby. I would do anything to bring him back for you. I would.”
There is nothing anyone can do or say.
Jai is gone, and my soul and heart went with him.
I am just an empty vessel.
She wraps me in her arms. They should be warm, but the embrace feels cold and empty like my cracked chest.
I fall into the darkness with open arms, wanting it to stop.
In the darkness, I know I will see him again.
CHAPTER SIXTY-NINE
Idon’t know how long I sleep for. It feels like years, yet when I wake, I don’t feel rested. I feel empty, cold, and tired.
My men are at my side, sleeping as well but restlessly, and when my eyes roll to the empty spot in the bed, pain cracks through me. I scramble upright, trying to stop it. My eyes drop to my body. I’m healed, but there is a jagged scar down my chest from the blade.
Good.
It should scar.
His death should scar.
I climb from the bed, knowing they are hurting too and worried about me, but I need time. I need to be alone. I dress quickly and head towards the pack before changing my mind. I cannot deal with questions or pity right now, or even blame from those who lost loved ones.
My house is filled with flowers and food, so maybe they don’t blame me. Maybe that’s my own guilt.
I sneak through the trees to the house I know holds my mate’s body.
At the door, standing sentry, are Dom and Con. Their expressions soften when they see me, and they open the door.White stands at Jai’s side. They aren’t leaving him alone, just as they promised. I swallow, knowing I need to say something, but words don’t come easily right now.
“Thank you,” is all I can manage to rasp out.
“Of course.” White nods. “We will give you a moment.”
My eyes go to Jai, and I step back. “No, no, that’s—no.” I turn away, unable to look at his empty corpse. It is just too real, too cold, and devoid of the madness that makes him Jai. I cannot stand it.
I don’t know how or why, but I find myself before the trucks we drove here last night. The seats are stained with blood, but I don’t care as I climb in and drive away, needing space.
Even as I put miles between myself and my pack, it doesn’t make me feel whole. I just feel even more alone.
I wonder if I will ever feel okay again.
I don’t remember making the decision to come here, but I find myself back at the hunters’ HQ. In the late afternoon light, the bodies and blood are stark. I wonder if the humans will find this when it starts to smell or if the hunters will take care of it.
I wander through the battlefield, remembering every horrible second.
