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CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
Ican’t pull my eyes from Quinn.
She woke up a few hours ago. The wound on her head was already healing, but her powers cannot heal the open wound in her soul and heart.
It doesn’t help that they leave the body right in front of her cage.
It’s torture, and she has no choice but to smell him. If she turns her head, he’s there. She curls into a ball to try and ignore it. At least she isn’t screaming anymore.
The scent of her vomit makes my nose twist. I can’t imagine what it’s doing for her senses, but I can’t seem to care. I move closer, trying to reach for her, to comfort her, but she doesn’t move or react. It’s as if she’s sunken in on herself.
It’s like she’s given up.
“You have to keep fighting,” I snap.
“Why?” she replies so calmly that it chills me. Quinn is many things, but she is not a quitter. She doesn’t even look at me.
All that time we held her captive and tortured her, she never gave up. She never stopped fighting, taunting the world to give her more.
I won’t let this break her. I can’t.
Not the woman who challenged me and made me more.
Not the woman who made me see who I am and trusted me when no one else did.
I’m beginning to realise I cannot exist in a world without Quinn, even if it means she hates me. We were destined to clash, my moon and me.
“Your pack could still be alive, and if they are, then they need you. If not, you need to honour everyone who was lost and keep going. You cannot just give up.”
“Quinn,” Vale warns, his voice hard as he tries to get through to her like he did before, but she ignores him too.
We watch as, second by second, we lose another piece of Quinn—the woman who has come to mean something to all of us. I spent all that time tracking and hating her, when I really just hated myself, but I couldn’t stop myself from going back to her time and time again.
She gave me purpose, a family, and hope.
“Let it hurt.” Lucien’s voice comes steadily. “Let it thread through you and tear you apart until you can’t breathe. Don’t turn away from it. Feel it, feel every horrible moment of that pain, beautiful. Don’t choke on it. Feel it. Cry. Scream. Throw up. Just don’t numb yourself to it because it always comes back. You can’t ignore this, but you also cannot give into it. Your father, the man who raised you, wouldn’t want that. He fought until the very end, and your pack needs you. We need you. Grieve, Quinn, and fucking hurt until you feel like you cannot live through it, and then dust your ass off and do it all over again because life doesn’t give a shit. I won’t let you or my brothers die in this hellhole. You are being weak?—”
“Fuck you,” she hisses, jerking her head around. Her gaze goes to Jang for a moment, and she shudders before focusing fully on Lucien, and it’s the most emotion and action we have seen out of her in hours.
“Good, anger is good.” He stands, gripping the bars. “Hate me if you need to, Quinn. Swear to get revenge, but don’t give up. It is not your style. You aren’t weak. You are the strongest person I know. You live for your family and your pack, so keep doing that. This isn’t the end, so don’t you dare close the book. Turn the fucking page. We make our own destiny, Quinn. It isn’t easy, but we walk that path, and we don’t stop and sit down on it.”
“It hurts,” she sobs, her head pressed to a bar.
“I know, baby.” Vale sighs. “I know it does. He’s right. Even now, my grief is still there no matter how much I choke it down. It’s always there, and it doesn’t go away, no matter how much I wish it did, but don’t dishonour your father.”
“He thought you were an alpha,” I add, standing. “All of the pack looked to you for guidance. I heard it while I was there. They need you, trust you. Be the woman your father knew you were, the woman we know you are.”
“What if he was wrong? What if I’m not strong enough?” she asks, her voice so soft, I strain to hear it. “What if they were all wrong? What if they all died for nothing?”
“Don’t be so selfish,” Vale snaps. “They died for you, so fucking live for them.”
She lifts her head and meets his eyes. “Why did you save me the night my family died?”
He swallows, searching her gaze. “Because when I looked into your eyes, I saw the evil reflected back at me and knew I didn’t want to be that. Even facing death, you were so strong as a kid, and I knew this world needed you. You were just a child, and so was I. I was taught to hate; we aren’t born with it. We learn it, and for one moment, I didn’t want to hate. I wanted to do something good. You haunted my dreams every night for years. You still do. Every life I took, I thought of you, wondering if you would be angry at me. You kept me alive, either with hatred orhope, for so many years, so let’s keep you alive. Let me save you one more time, like you saved me that night.”
She’s quiet for a moment. “I want them all dead.”
“Then we will help you,” I reply without hesitation.
