AllFreeNovel
Share Us
1
Pit-a-pat… Pit-a-pat… Pit-a-pat-pat-pat-pitpitpit-patpatpatpat….
An echo, very faint and barely there, registered in the back of my sleeping brain. Was somebody dancing across my newly polished hardwood floors? Well, they better not leave scuff marks.
Pit-a-pat… Pit-a-pat… Pit-a-pat-pat-pat-pitpitpit-patpatpatpat….
There it was again. Closer, louder, more staccato, and eerie. Was Michael Flatley in my home doing the Riverdance?
But there was no time to figure out what was happening. The Witch that inhabited the back of my mind was up and raring to go. She jumped into our imaginary, souped-up Alfa Romeo, hit the gas, and flew head out of REM Snooze Junction like a bat out of Hell. Jumping onto the superhighway of Dreamland, the transmission whined with excitement as black leather driving gloves appeared on her hands, and she stood on the accelerator like a Drag Queen lip-syncing to It's Raining Men.
We flew through Sleepytown Haven and past the Hills of the Land of Nod faster than you can say 'Moll Dyer was just a woman in love' when she hit the nitrous oxide button and that beautiful candy-apple red sports car I wanted in real life - but knew I would never have - zipped past the 'Thank You for Visiting REM Junction. See You Soon' sign as if it was riding the rails.
Whizzing across the county line of Deep Sleeping Shores, I saw all the little boats of all the people, Supers, Paranormals, and Others blissfully dreaming out of the corner of my mind's eye and wondered what it would take to get Subconscious Witch to turn our ruby racing hot rod around and let me jump back on my own boat. It was safe there. It was warm there. I would actually get some rest there. But it wasn't going to happen. There was nothing and no way she would stop before I reached my final destination. (Oh, shit, bad choice of words. Let's blame it on my lack of sleep and move on.)
Wishing I knew what the heck had S.W. - aka Subconscious Witch - so freaked out, I almost missed when we entered Barely Sleeping Burrow and sped past Forty Winks Acres without a backward glance. Turning to ask her what was going on and what I could do to stop it, she stamped on the brakes as if she was clogging with the Welsh Witch from Whispering Willows and cackled like all those Magic Enchantresses you see in cartoons.
Catapulted forward, the psychic seatbelt S.W. had strapped around me was pushed to its very limits by my bodacious tatas and other womanly curves as the car skidded and the scent of burning rubber filled my senses. Flung backward with the force of Jack Nicholson's backswing, my brain rattled in my skull like dice in a Yahtzee cup. With no time to so much as breathe, I was hurdled forward when the car finally came to a complete stop with the creaking of steel, aluminum, and fiber composites ringing in my ears. My neck snapped, my chin hit my chest, and I swore my spine was a good six inches longer. I knew there would be marks. There was no way I wasn't going to be bruised and battered, with fabric burns that looked like I'd visited Auntie Fiona's Sex Den. (I respect her life choices, but I decline to participate. I also chuckle when she calls me a prude.) Dr. Bombay had better have a salve that would clear my peachy skin of all abrasions, or S.W. would be in time-out for the better part of the next century.
Forced into a fully awakened state with the gusto of a space shuttle reentering Earth's atmosphere, I listened as hard as I could. I didn't breathe. I didn't move. I simply focused and waited.
Bet there was nothing.
Well, nothing but a deafening silence that had the hair on every one of my curves and swerves standing on end. Blinking my eyes, I brushed the hair out of my face and pushed through the last dredge of lingering sleepy fog in my brain.
"Wh-What was that?" I yawned. When no answer came, I asked the empty air, "Who is there? What time is it? And do you have coffee?"
Squeezing my eyes tight, I tried to ignore the warning bells screeching in the back of my mind. Not even sassy little S.W. and her crazy driving would make me get out of bed – not if I could help it.
You see, never in all my years – and there are more of them than I was ready to admit – had I ever been awakened by anything other than my fanatical Familiar – and shealwaysanswered when I called out into the darkness. The bitch loved to mess with me. She lived for it.
Oh, and I had never been on a thrill ride like that with S.W. She usually just threw me in the sidecar of her ravishing red Harley Davidson Fat Boy, explained what was happening, and gently ushered me to fully awake and ready to face the day. But that's a story for another day.
“Whew…”Blowing out an exasperated breath, I opened my eyes again and tried to see if anyone was around. I found nothing but darkness and shadows caused by the streetlights shining through the windows. Seriously, there was nothing, nada, zip, zilch. Yes, I could've and should have used Magic, but I was so tired - like exhausted, pooped, and worn to a frazzle - that I couldn't even whip up a little Shining Spell to illuminate the room. I needed sleep. I mean,really neededto get forty-thousand winks. (Yes, I multiplied it by ten thousand, but that's the way of the Witch, my friend. We gots it, and we fault it.)
So, I got proactive. (Some will call it lazy.)
"Is there somebody there?" I asked in my stern I-am-Lucy-Brown-hear-me-roar voice.
No one answered, but I just knew I wasn't alone. However, I was warm and sleepy and didn't want to get up. I had been metaphysically tossed about in the most beautiful dream car in the world, and not even that made me want to face the prospect of getting out from under my covers. So, I issued a threat – of sorts.
“Okay, be coy. I seriously couldnotcare less.” Pulling the covers tighter around me, I added, “But just in case you don’t know where you are, I am a Brown Witch. Yes, one ofthoseBrown Witches, and we aren't known for our kindness toward uninvited and unwelcome visitors." I cleared my throat as haughtily as possible and continued. "Take or leave it. I'm warning you because I am a pretty cool Witch. If my Super-Duper Magical Wards don't get you, Ginger will, and best of luck with that. She's a Gingerbread bitch on two legs with claws and Magic, and she knows how to use them both with scary accuracy. Don't let the frilly icing fool you."
Inhaling deeply, I held my breath for a few seconds, then exhaled slowly. I counted to ten, then twenty, and then fifty. But it was no use. I couldn't go back to sleep. Someone orsomethingwas way too close for comfort, and it was pissing me off.
Cracking open my left eye, the glowing red numbers on the clock still refused to focus. If you can believe it, those blurry crimson blobs mocked me. They even had the nerve to get all wavy and flash brighter, then almost go out entirely. It just wasn't fair.
Giving up, I sniffed the air. After all, I'd set my fancy-schmancy coffeemaker/espresso machine with a frothing wand and bean grinder to start brewing my Lucy Brown's Instant Pick Me Up Java at precisely four-fifty-nine am. Smelling nothing but the freshly baked cookies from a few hours ago, cinnamon and sugar, I groaned, "Well, crap. No coffee. So, it's earlier than five in the morning. I swear if that little…. Oh, shit!"
Pushed from where I'd lulled myself back to half asleep to utterly awake without riding the rails in my Spiritual Alfa Romeo, my flight or fight response kicked into overdrive. My heart beat a staccato tempo. It was hard to breathe. Then a shiver crawled down my spine, and I thought aloud, "Could it be? No. There's been no taunting, no teasing, not even one jeer or sneer since before Halloween. Goddess knows she can't help but pick on me. It's in her DNA. No way it's her. It's probably just a burglar who got the wrong address." Sighing with such gusto that the bangs on my forehead rose and fell, I added one more whine, "I'm going back to sleep. After I've had coffee, I release whoever dared to enter my home from my traps."
Falling onto my back from my side, I stared at the ceiling.Whoosh… Whoosh… Whoosh…The fan over my head beat in its beautifully steady rhythm. The usually reassuring circles threw long, abstract shadows on the walls that I always counted to fall asleep.
(Yes, I'd tried counting sheep, bats, frogs, and even little black cats, but nothing worked like counting the shadows. Try it. You might like it.)
Waiting about ten seconds, give or take nine, because I had no patience – not then, not ever - I petulantly growled through gritted teeth, "Well, that shit's not gonna work." Searching my brain, I listened for anything that would tell me what the hell was happening in my very own house.
Again, I came up empty handed. "Aggggggh… I don't wanna get up." I was whining, and it was horrible. I hated every minute of it. Whether it was coming from me or someone else, kvetching was in the top three of my top ten most irritating things. It was like nails on a chalkboard or the sound of Ginger's voice on any given Sunday.
